Appallingly Bad Christmas Punnage...
Posted by:
poetscientistdrinker (---.rdg.ac.uk)
Date: December 16, 2002 11:07AM
<HTML>Time for some singing, I reckon....
<em>Last Christmas I ordered out,
For a feast with Stephen.
We ordered Wenceslas pizza -
'Twas deep pan, crisp and even.
Brightly the fire burnt that night,
The firemen were striking.
A Green Goddess came lumb'ring by,
I could have gone faster cycling.
"Come hither Steve, and stand by me,
A fine song by Ben E King,
Yonder peasant, who is he?
And tell me why he's shouting."
"Ben, he's bought a mobile phone,
So he can phone his office,
The reception's crap round here,
Especially on Orange.
Forget the mistletoe and wine,
I wish we had some logs near.
I wish we could avoid the cold,
By burning Sir Cliff Richard.
But the pub is just nearby,
So we went together,
And we sang the Scot's lament,
Walking through the spiky heather (wi nothin' unda ma kilt to cover ma goolies, ye ken)
"Ben, the night is darker now,
Some bastard's nicked the street lights.
And the wind is blowing hard,
I shouldn't have eaten those sprouts."
"Make thy footsteps good my friend,
For the pub is near now,
You only whinge 'cause it's your round,
You bloody cheating cheapskate."
And to the bar Stephen was marched,
And his wallet uncovered.
Many moths came flying out,
And forgeries he'd printed.
But my drunken men, be assured,
Hefinally got his round in.
A mighty pint of a fine beer,
Which aided Christmas cheer. </em></HTML>