sylvester would probably quite like a cat

at first

he (though he could be a she but hasn't ever layed an egg) likes my friends blue doberman, he flies out to see him but isn't good at flying so we have to grab him before Kaiser who is a cross between an elephant and tigger can lick him to death

they chal a lot when I lock the cage up

Magda, it all sounds fab!

I'd come down to anywhere vaguely northern for a signing meet... I know you seem to have agreed on sheffield, but I'd've thought it kinda depends on where Jasper's signing, non? I've never been to sheffield, is it exciting? I've been to Leeds, and would like to go back with some money so I could go to the cool circular shopping market thing (er, the Corn Exchange, possibly)

Hi Andrea, I thought Jon and me were the only afpers on here... is abth tom holt?

Ahh! Wash your mouth out with soap! And never mention those words again in th Fforum!



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

urm..."leeds"? "corn exchange"? "tom holt"? "money"? "and"?

specificity is a good thing. (though possibly not a word.)

No! Make her stop! I can't take any more!

Money is fine (not the lack of it in my life, however) as is Leeds and Corn Exchange. I'm referringto the dirty words of

I can't bring myself to type it. (He slagged off Mr Ff once, and his name has been banned from the fforum since....)



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Oooh, i see. did he really? strange man. what could there be to slag?

Just jealous because Jasper's books are more original than his (and that's all I'm going to say)

Dante: Sheffield is a great place. Not sure what you consider to be exciting, but you can probably do it in Sheffield. Lot's of different sorts of shopping (you might like Devonshire Green) and some excellent pubs.

Sheffield is one of these places that, up till now, I've never known anybody who has come from there, lived there, or mentioned having been there, I don't think. It's kind of escaped my attention altogether, which is as good a reason as any for going there!

I've just checked a map, and it is roughly where i thought it was, which is unusual. When will the tour dates be announced, do you think?

I though *the nameles one* just came across as a bit arrogant - it really put me off his books.

Dante - the review he wrote is on the site somewhere, with a counter from Mr Ff. There's also a load on it in the old archives of the fforum



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Eep! Just read it, not impressed.... not funny? i was right when I said he was a strange man.

and <the nameless one>, of all people, should *not* be talking about imitation. pah.

stupid names??? but......

Thursday "hardbitten"??? but.......

no memorable characters??????

i'm going to go and be gobsmacked for a while.

I know - I was like that. It all seems a bit, well, uncalled for, really.

AS far as I can see H*lt appears to be panicking about somebody coming along with better jokes. I can't find my rant from ages ago (you know how quickly we head off topic) but I basically found examples from his own work that his criticisms could be thrown at.

Worse, a lot of what he says does't ring true. For example (oh dear, I'm going o ff on one here) 'Lara Croft derivative'. What? Lara Croft is a posh bint with huge knockers who nicks bits of old tat left behind in temples and who fills the fantasies of 12 year-olds. Thursday appears to come from a middle-class family in Swindon. So she can handle a gun - dies this mean that every male lead who pulls a gun is a Andy McNabb rip off? Does it bollocks.

"Sharp wit", "little humour" - you what? From a bloke who delights in obscure G(r)eek references that's a bit rich, and bearing in mind I have only ever laughed oncce at H*lt's writing (this review, strangely)... I haven't laughed out loud at large portions of LIAGB and TEA either, but I read the whole thing with a grin on my face.

"Car keys through a holed pocket" - sorry? If you forget the characters you're a @#$%& person with crap tailoring who'll be cussing yourself for being such a loser all day AND your car will be clamped as you can't move it? Quick test : can anyone name a H*lt character? I can't, and I've got three of his books staring at me (I refuse to get all Talibanny and burn them - plus it's good to have a reminder of the follies of youth).

As for whinging about names - Mr Holt - this is a kettle. Note the colour. And this is a pot. Now tell me, what colour is it? And if every bugger has an unusual name, it isn't unusual, is it? Do keep up, Mr H*lt.

He also whinges about loose ends and Swiss Watch precision. Like the boy who yelled at the Mother Superior "F**king Nun!" Mr H*lt needs to be told that it can't be both.

Oh, and like Mr Ff, I have no idea what the hell he means by "Bragasque". I've even Googled it, and the only thing I get is something in Spanish. Using the automatic translation, we still get something that stands more scrutiny than H*lt:

"To my it seems to me of puta mother who a fat person seponga tanga, becomes a video and above is number one in sales. Ole his cojones
But disgust gives Blond Paulina teaching bragasque me puts PUNK if Sid vicous raised the head put one to him litrona by ojete! "



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I'm still hunting this Bragasque reference, and found the following entrance page to a site, that Google 'helpfully' translated -

"Loving Braguitas: this pagina contains material I specify of single sex for adults , and the later paginas contain images of sex nonapt for minors, thus we requested to you that if you are minor or the content of this pagina please offends beam to you to leave this site. Single adults, greater of 18 years."

I love that 'nonapt for minors' and the fact that married adults cannot enter...



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Ah. Have just twigged. Anbody trying to solve this riddle is advised not to enter the word 'Bragas' into Google. It appears to be some kind of undergarment in Spanish.

Is this a really crap way of saying that he thinks TEA is pants? Surely ven H*lt isn't that pretentious?

------------------------------

Further -

'Brages' reveals that Google doesn't translate from Finnish. Mercifully.

'Bragasc' produces only one hit, which sounded worrying even before translation (in the spirit of research I checked, dear reader - and thankfully there were no pictures to illuminate the promise of "Panties Short Sleeve - Working Drill Orange") and various other variations also fail.



Post Edited (04-16-03 02:37)

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I suspect it means "in the style of" someone named Braga.

Say, this chap for example:
[www.bbc.co.uk]



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&quot;I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around.&quot;
--Ross Smith

Damn - I was just hunting through various options for Braga. Such as the promising [www.virtourist.com] - where people are "conservative" (ie "behind the times" - note small 'c' - I'm not being political here). This could explain the timestream thingummy.

Although I have to concede that Magda is probably on the money, so I'll stop my hunting...

Spoilsport!



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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Funny lookin' bloke, isn't he?

(and before Sarah or Skiffle jump in, yes, I know. Pot. kettle. Thankyou so much.)



Post Edited (04-16-03 02:46)

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Oh well, Ben, at least you had fun hunting down Bragaesque things. And have learned how to say pants in Spanish.

I like "beams you to leave the site", myself.

I went to have a look at the Braga bloke, to see if his stuff sounded good (not the effect Voldemort intended, i'm sure), and... Star trek? Well, there's sciffey bits, but that's about it....

I'm trying to think of characters...i have at least 6 books... ah, kurt lindqvist. Which is a perfectly sensible name, obviously.

I'm rather stunned about all this, he is a nice bloke and doesn't (obviously) carry around the chip shop on his shoulder that the other bloke I mentioned does. In fact warning for authors here, 'don't let your fame make you big headed, it can put off the people who you actually want to like you, those who fork out their hard earned cash for your work' I haven't found this review yet, will go have a look.

Otherwise, thanks for the wecome back. :-)

Please come join the Thursdaynext community in livejournal, and pass on any news, I could miss bits and there are people who will see that and so come here. I think I need to put more in the info, any suggestions?

Oh and back to the signing tour, last year it seemed to do the top of the country, the bottom and across over in Wales, any others within reach of those of us in the middle were at wierd times during the day in the middle of the week.

Surely if we talk about it enough on the Fforum, Jasper will ensure he visits Leeds or Sheffield (or both) on his grand tour...

Dante: Yep. It is the Corn Exchange. Cool shops. I bought my fire clubs there...

I found Laura's blog, with the entry on seeing Jasper.
[www.elgoose.com]

BTW, I've remembered a few more things, including the bit Laura mentions about the publishers deciding that rather than marketing TEA in a conventional way, they'd print WAY more proofs and review copies than usual, and rely on word of mouth.

As I recall, Jasper said that the first person at Hodder to read it said "I love it, but I don't know how we'll market it." They made 11 copies and gave them to other people at the company and asked "Am I nuts, or should we buy this book?" They said "No, you're not nuts, but I don't know how we'll market it." and so on.

He also mentioned a long ago unsuccessful meeting with an agent, in which said agent asked him "where would you like to see your books shelved", meaning "your books are cross genre and unmarketable". Jasper replied that he'd like to see them in the bestsellers section. Which apparently merely served to convince the agent that he was not only unmarketable, he was also cheeky.

I also recall Jasper's description of Jane Austen as the Stephen King of the early victorian era. A horror novelist. 'I'm from a well-to-do family when suddenly I have to make due with only 400 pounds a year--Oh horror!' 'I might end up marrying badly--Oh horror!'

We got a very amusing description of Jasper's first two unpublished books. In the first one Jack Sprat is investigating the death of Humpty Dumpty, who had been found in bits at the bottom of his favorite wall. This apparently includes Cornwellesque (I'll let PSD figure it out) bits in which the forensic expert patches together the shell to figure out where the point of impact was, and so forth.
Having failed to get that book published, Jasper naturally then proceeded to write a sequel (I'll show them!).

I'll add more bits and pieces as they come back to me.



Post Edited (04-16-03 13:34)

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&quot;I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around.&quot;
--Ross Smith