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Hey ho the diddly O
I love a girl and her name is Flo
She has everything that a lad finds fair
Short blonde curls that suit her so
And an upper lip with facial hair.
(to Speckles) Well Speckles - and given the size of what you left behind in that last clearing, "Speckles" is a singularly understated name if you ask me - well, as I was saying, here's where my dearest Flo said she would meet me, but there appears to be no sight of her. I wonder...
Jack: Damn, that dragon seems to have eaten the tumbleweed we were saving for the penultimate showdown scene.
Speckles: snorts
Jack: Hurrah (slaps thigh) here comes Flo now.
Enter Flo dressed as Mrs Beeton surrounded by gaggle of cheeky cockernee urchins from Crouch End.
Flo: Well that's how you remove stubborn stains, tomorrow we'll learn which spiders it is safe to eat.
Jack, Pokey the Pantomime prankster pachyderm of the Punjarb, and various Crouch End Cockernee urchins place their thumbs in their braces click their heels together and sing:
"Pokey the Pachyderm packed his trunk and said goodbye to the treehouse
off he went with a trumpety trump trump trump.
Pokey the pachyderm packed his trunk and trundled off to the circus
off he went with a trumpety trump, trump, trump, trump."
Flo: Just one thing before you go Pokey - I've been meaning to ask you......
Enter Swin and Don two pantomime dames in tutu's and fishnets
Swin and Don: hello boys and girls.
Dutiful audience: hello
Swin: I say that will never do, my name is Swin and this is Don and whenever you see us I want you to shout "hello Swin Don". Shall we try again?
Swin and Don: hello boys and girls
Audience: Hello Swindon.
Don: Thats more like it.
Distributes jelly beans to audience.
Swin; I say what a marvellous elephant - give me a leg up Don.
Much slapstick hilarity ending with both Swin and Don riding backwards on Pokie.
Don: I say I say how do you get down from an elephant?
Swin: I don't know Don how do you get down from and elephant?
Don: You don't - you get down from ducks and geese.
Pokie exits stage right.
Jack: (shouting) could I have my elephant back now please?
Swin: (offstage) I don't think that will be possible - have these instead.
Packet of jelly beans thrown on from wings - stage right.