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You know you're really...
Posted by: robert (153.107.103.---)
Date: February 01, 2009 11:44PM

This list has been cheerily stolen from an Oz radio website (2GB - []) and is "You know You're Really An Australian When..." (Australia is 'girt by sea' in our National Anthem may help with the first one).

Feel free to add other "You know you're really..." nationalities, hobbies, fetishes and such as you see fit.

You know the meaning of 'girt'
You believe that stubbies can either be worn or drunk
You think it is normal to have a Prime Minister called Kevin
You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse
You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden
When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom
You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds
You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'
You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'
You believe the 'L' in the word ' Australia ' is optional
You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.
You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep
You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'
You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place
You believe is makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin
You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'
You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread
You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis
You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says 'cobber'
You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year
You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'U
You wear ugh boots outside the house
You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them
Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language
You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite
You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasions via your nose
You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'
You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle
Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules of beach cricket
You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'
You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'
When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit
You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered
You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction
When working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer
You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second
You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand!!

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2009 11:49PM by robert.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: Hunchback (
Date: February 02, 2009 02:27AM

A Pedophile When...

You drool at the sight of a seven-year-old at Wal-Mart.
You prefer the company of ballerinas.
You have toys in your house and you're 35 years old.
You are still alive at 89.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: MuseSusan (
Date: February 02, 2009 03:41AM

"You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second"

This one is true of any nationality, really.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: PrinzHilde (
Date: February 02, 2009 04:13AM

(Well, in Germany you'll get arrested for singing the first verse. The one sung is actually the third.)

(And I cringe and stuff my ears when hearing any national anthem.)

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: bunyip (
Date: February 02, 2009 04:24AM

What makes me cringe is the fact that most Australians of the younger and less educated generation seem to know the US anthem better than our own.

This, again, may be the case in other countries too.

But, Robert, I like Vegemite.

A test of Australians overseas for homesickness was to mention Vegemite and Chiko Rolls. Even Aussies who did not particularly like them still reacted like Pavlov's dogs.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: BibwitHart (
Date: February 02, 2009 08:57AM

I stand by my original statement, I hadn't even heard of chiko roll until Kitten mentioned it a year ago.

I cringe to all National Anthems.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: igorbeathty (
Date: February 02, 2009 12:39PM

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. The brackets show where the pratty question came from.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

5. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

6. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

7. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

8. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

9. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
10. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

11. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

12. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

13. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

14. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

15. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

16. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

19. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

My Karma Ran Over My Dogma

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: Bonzai Kitten (58.163.128.---)
Date: February 04, 2009 03:08PM

Woah... Blast from the past!

I think a LOT of those 2gb ones were ripped off Nino Cullotta books, and Jeff Foxworthy jokes, but I especially love the national anthem one. I didn't realise it was *emotion* that was choking me up... I thought it was something rather different...

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: theblackestcat (
Date: February 11, 2009 04:11AM

sorry im new,
just wanted to ask who else was aussie out there?
besides you guys, of course

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: EgonSpengler (
Date: February 11, 2009 08:22AM

Everyone. Everyone here is Australian except for me and the White Rabbit. And the chocolate eclairs. Scrummy.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: BibwitHart (
Date: February 11, 2009 09:33AM

Heehee! But you wish you were Aussie ES!

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: SkidMarks (
Date: February 11, 2009 09:33AM

I am not a White Rabbit, or a chocolate eclair.

However I AM Spartacus.

And you have lost the Game

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: geg (
Date: February 11, 2009 09:53AM

Looks at snow outside window and concludes probably is not Australian either.

Confirms that SkidMarks definitely is Spartacus so if you are thinking of feeding lions start with him.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: EgonSpengler (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:31AM

I don't see how that can be true as I'm Spartacus.

I don't see anyone here disputing the White Rabbit though. At least he won't be looking for the warm revenge.


PS I don't wish I were Australian, Bib, not even for all the blandishments on offer.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: geg (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:51AM

Feed ES to the lions!

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: BibwitHart (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:56AM


Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: BibwitHart (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:58AM

Anyone remember where we put the lions?

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: geg (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:58AM

Then I can have Blandings Castle

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: geg (
Date: February 11, 2009 10:59AM

Lions for sale at Livestock Market - available every second Wednesday of every alternative month in some other thread.

Re: You know you're really...
Posted by: BibwitHart (
Date: February 11, 2009 11:02AM

<protests at secondhand nature of market grade lions>

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