Talk to the animals
Posted by:
Pilkijam (---.gsi.gov.uk)
Date: July 16, 2003 01:18PM
If we could Talk To The An - i - mals,
just im - ag - ine it,
Chat-ting to a chimp in chim-pan-zee,
Im - ag-ine talk-ing to a ti - ger,
chat - ting to a chee - tah,
What a neat a-chieve-ment it would be.
If we could Talk To The An - i - mals,
learn their lan-gua-ges,
May-be take an an -i- mal de-gree,
we'd stud-y el-e-phant and ea-gle,
buf-fa-lo and bea-gle,
Al - li - ga - tor, guin-ea pig and flea.
We would con-verse in po-lar bear and py-thon,
And we would curse in flupent kan-ga-roo.
If peo-ple asked us, "Can you speak rhi-noc-er-os?!
We'd say, "Of cours-er-os! Can't you?!
If we con-ferred with our fur-ry friends,
man to an-i-mal, Think of all the things we could dis-cuss.
If we could walk with the an-i-mals, talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could talk to us.
If we con-sul-ted with quad-ru-peds,
think what fun we'd have,
Ask-ing o-ver croc-o-diles for tea,
Or may-be lunch with two or threee lions,
wal-rus-es and sea lions,
What a love-ly place the world would be.
If we spoke slang to o-rang-u-tangs,
the ad-van-ta-ges An-y fool on earth can plain-ly see.
Dis-cuss-ing east-ern art and dra-mas
with in-tel-lec-tual lla-mas,
That's a big step for-ward, you'll a - gree.
We'd learn to speak in an-te-lope and tur-tle,
Our Pe - kin-ese would be ex-treme-ly good.
If we were asked to sing in hip-po-pot-a-mus,
We'd say, "Why not-a-mus?! And would!
And we are sure ev-'ry oc - to-pus,
Plaice and plat-y-pus cer-tain-ly would see it as a plus.
If we could walk with the an-i-mals,
talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could talk to us.
We'd stud-y ev - 'ry liv-ing crea-ture's lan-guage,
So we could speak to all of them on sight.
If friends said, "Can you talk in crab or pel-i-can?!
We'd say, "Like hel-we-can!" And we'd be right!
And if we all spoke like an-i-mals,
who'd need Eng - lish?
Grad-ual - ly we'd drop it with no fuss.
If we could walk with the an-i-mals,
talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could squeak and squawk and speak and talk
to us.
Erm.... rught. What is the point of all this? Well.....
The Japanese manufacturers of a gadget that claims to translate dogs barks into human language is planning a similar device for cats.
After selling 300,000 Bowlingual units, Takara is set to release the Meowlingual.
The cat-shaped machine set to go on sale in November and translates meows and purrs into human phrases, although exact wording hasn't been decided yet.
The translation device will likely sell for £45, slightly @#$%& than the $75 Bowlingual, which has been a big hit.
Both gadgets use scientific data on animal sounds from a Tokyo laboratory that also analyses human voices, helps solve crime and takes part in designing software for mobile phones.
Takara plans to start selling Bowlingual in the United States in August. Overseas sales plans for Meowlingual are still undecided.
"Cats are smaller and more finicky than dogs so we had to change the design a little," Takara spokeswoman Maiko Hasumi said.
The feline version won't strap on the collar as does the Bowlingual, and a person must hold the microphone in the machine up to the cat's mouth and hope it says something, she said.
In case your cat's not in the mood, the machine will have "playful features," such as a horoscope reading for cat lovers and other surprises in the works, she said.
I wonder what my cat wopuld say about it?!
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.