If we could Talk To The An - i - mals,
just im - ag - ine it,
Chat-ting to a chimp in chim-pan-zee,
Im - ag-ine talk-ing to a ti - ger,
chat - ting to a chee - tah,
What a neat a-chieve-ment it would be.

If we could Talk To The An - i - mals,
learn their lan-gua-ges,
May-be take an an -i- mal de-gree,
we'd stud-y el-e-phant and ea-gle,
buf-fa-lo and bea-gle,
Al - li - ga - tor, guin-ea pig and flea.

We would con-verse in po-lar bear and py-thon,
And we would curse in flupent kan-ga-roo.
If peo-ple asked us, "Can you speak rhi-noc-er-os?!
We'd say, "Of cours-er-os! Can't you?!

If we con-ferred with our fur-ry friends,
man to an-i-mal, Think of all the things we could dis-cuss.
If we could walk with the an-i-mals, talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could talk to us.

If we con-sul-ted with quad-ru-peds,
think what fun we'd have,
Ask-ing o-ver croc-o-diles for tea,
Or may-be lunch with two or threee lions,
wal-rus-es and sea lions,
What a love-ly place the world would be.

If we spoke slang to o-rang-u-tangs,
the ad-van-ta-ges An-y fool on earth can plain-ly see.
Dis-cuss-ing east-ern art and dra-mas
with in-tel-lec-tual lla-mas,
That's a big step for-ward, you'll a - gree.

We'd learn to speak in an-te-lope and tur-tle,
Our Pe - kin-ese would be ex-treme-ly good.
If we were asked to sing in hip-po-pot-a-mus,
We'd say, "Why not-a-mus?! And would!
And we are sure ev-'ry oc - to-pus,
Plaice and plat-y-pus cer-tain-ly would see it as a plus.

If we could walk with the an-i-mals,
talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could talk to us.

We'd stud-y ev - 'ry liv-ing crea-ture's lan-guage,
So we could speak to all of them on sight.
If friends said, "Can you talk in crab or pel-i-can?!
We'd say, "Like hel-we-can!" And we'd be right!
And if we all spoke like an-i-mals,
who'd need Eng - lish?
Grad-ual - ly we'd drop it with no fuss.

If we could walk with the an-i-mals,
talk with the an-i-mals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the an-i-mals,
And they could squeak and squawk and speak and talk
to us.

Erm.... rught. What is the point of all this? Well.....

The Japanese manufacturers of a gadget that claims to translate dogs barks into human language is planning a similar device for cats.

After selling 300,000 Bowlingual units, Takara is set to release the Meowlingual.

The cat-shaped machine set to go on sale in November and translates meows and purrs into human phrases, although exact wording hasn't been decided yet.

The translation device will likely sell for £45, slightly @#$%& than the $75 Bowlingual, which has been a big hit.

Both gadgets use scientific data on animal sounds from a Tokyo laboratory that also analyses human voices, helps solve crime and takes part in designing software for mobile phones.

Takara plans to start selling Bowlingual in the United States in August. Overseas sales plans for Meowlingual are still undecided.

"Cats are smaller and more finicky than dogs so we had to change the design a little," Takara spokeswoman Maiko Hasumi said.

The feline version won't strap on the collar as does the Bowlingual, and a person must hold the microphone in the machine up to the cat's mouth and hope it says something, she said.

In case your cat's not in the mood, the machine will have "playful features," such as a horoscope reading for cat lovers and other surprises in the works, she said.

I wonder what my cat wopuld say about it?!



A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

I know exactly what my cats would say if I shoved a microphone at them. How many swear words does this device have programmed in?

But do dogs & cats from the lands where humans (mostly) speak English use the same languages as their conspecifics in Japan, or would exported machines need different programming?

************************************************************

Warning! Product may contain Newts!

There was a study I read once about birdsong in different countries having different regional accents...



_ _ _ _ _

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

My mum's got a Scottie dog. His boch is worse than his bate.

Good grief!

One of those might be useful for Chomsky, who's not always the world's best communicator, but Minsky has a fully comprehensible language. (I'm not making that up; I almost always understand exactly what he means first time.) Heidi is a bit Greta-Garbo-ish, though she can be very affectionate when she wants, and Klinsmann... h'mm, well, you just don't want to know what he's saying, you really don't!



..........................................................................................

That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

I always know what my wonderful dog wants as well. Food. It's quite simple. His entire thought process is centered entirely on what is at hand to eat and if not at hand, what can he steal off the counter while I'm not looking.

Alison - it's even beter than that - if you record robin song across the country you see regular changes in dialect. Nobody's quite sure if it serves a purpose, or is just one of those things.



PSD

==========

This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

It's even more noticeable with birds that expand their repertoire by mimicking other birds (and telephones and car alarms and agricultural machinery). Starlings are famous for this, and their song varies from street to street.



Jesus saves; Buddha does incremental backup.

Excellent! Even the bird kingdom tries to fit in with the neighbours... is this sad or laudable?

Does your mum's Scottie come from Morningsayde, Ptolemy?



_ _ _ _ _

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

there is a small family of starlings that live in downtown Washington DC that can mimic about 30 different cell phone rings...they live in the trees and bushes around the Federal Courthouse.

so what does that say about our society?? LOL

Yes we have that... in fact when I lived in Edinburgh every time the phone rang we'd leap up, rush into the hall... and decide we really were going to invest in an airgun.



_ _ _ _ _

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Don't whale songs travel the world?



---
Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Will this new gadget be able to translate the body language which is so important in communication ? And frankly, I defy it to translate "Nyak whuurp errr, nyou nrrrrrrr rrouuu," into "Stop messing about on that bloody computer and give me my supper, please."

Intrigue - there is eveidence that the frequency of a blue whales song, and the volume of it, is enough to be able to carry around the world. Scary, huh?



PSD

==========

This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

Sounds like this fforum....

I meant that some genius whale might make up a new song in the Tasman Sea. The rest of their pod might take it up, and the whole lot sing it near another pod by the base of South America. That pod carries it back up by Ireland, and the cycle goes all around the world, but, like Chinese Whispers, it could be very different when it reaches the original creator.



---
Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.