Did you hear about the Irishman who took his girlfriend out in the fog and mist ?

Oh, go on .......

... and on and on and on and on...



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Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

and Ariston

Do they still make video recorders, btw?



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

The first one was the funniest - cycle [path - nearly fell off my chair!! (OK, so i dont get out much!)

Good user name, that, NG. But I am now troubled by images of the crew of the Enterprise-B trying to navigate Swindon.

PICARD: "How do we get off this roundabout, Mr. Data?"
DATA: "Logic would suggest we shouldn't have come here in the first place, Captain. But I would suggest reversing the polarity of the neutron flow."
TROI:"Captain, we are being approached by a policeman. I'm sensing a lot of hostility ..."



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I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

*snork*

I have now got an alarming mental picture of a spaceship in the middle of a traffic jam. (Could that thing actually have landed at all?)



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

I do believe it did once or twice (when the SFX budget allowed it).



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

It crash landed at the end of the movie Generations. does that count?

It counts in my book!! :)



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"Whisky-wa-wa," I breathed - she was dressed as Biffo the Bear.

I thought TNG crash landed at the end of 'Generations', but each to his own.

I'm going to be sad, and tell you that the Enterprise, in its various incarnations, could not land on a planet. It did go into orbital dry dock occasionally, but otherwise the crew had to use the transporter or shuttles. Klingon ships, on the other hand, were designed for planetary landings in places like San Fransisco. Not that I can imagine Klingons wearing flowers in their hair, mind you.

That'd be a good look. I'd like to see it.

You're right, Skiffle. It was Voyager that could land on planets. Possibly in a desperate attempt to make themselves interesting.



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

Can't think wehere else to put this, but the Star Trek thread seems as good a place as any - though I suppose it's also a further revealing glimpse into the English and their self-deprecating sense of humour...

COUNCIL COMPLAINTS

These are extracts from "actual letters" (the originator's claim, not mine! - P.) sent to various councils and Housing associations throughout the UK:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction.

17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus in it.

18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.

Actual genuine complaint I once recieved, on a proper complaint form and everything. I processed it as normal, and then did a double take at the date -

Date of Incident: Saturday 12th June 1967

Time: 1130

Place of Incident: Hyde Bus Station

Service Number of Bus; 125

Bus Company; North Western Road Car Co.

Nature of Incident; I wish to complain that the above bus ran on time. If it hadn't, I would have been late for my wedding in Glossop, and I would then have missed 25 years of sheer bloody misery with my wife. Thanks a lot.


I didn't bother to reply.



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

:-)

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Warning! Product may contain Newts...

What would have stopped him marrying his wife if he was late? He set his own trap, obviously.



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Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Possibly he had been late before, and was on a final warning. Either that or he was lying to us, the scoundrel.



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty

The depths people will sink to... probably lucky he didn't sue you for failure to alienate his affections



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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.