I suffer from anxiety disorders and bi-polar, and have attacks of paranoid delusions and manic episodes. A lot of my friends and other people i know often ask me what they are like, so i wrote an article about it for them. Firstly, i wondered what you thought of it was a piece of writing, to people who don't know me and my problems - does it put across an intelligible image of what it is like, and secondly i wanted to post it because i think people should be more aware of mental illness and the struggle that faces those who suffer with it. Im sorry if these seems random, melodramatic or anything but i've just got back from the Doctors and have been rediagnosed amongst other things, and also my mum, whon also suffers from mental illness was telling me what its like for her and of our family history of suffering from similar problems. Im rather emotional and a bit heavy, so, i kinda wanted to get it all out, share it with a decent community like this fforum and also, wondered what you thought of it as writing. Thanks and sorry again.

[www.angelfire.com]



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

No.. wow... this is amazing stuff, and not only don't I mind you sharing it but I applaud it and am also really touched that I should be trusted with seeing it. I've experienced a forum like this helping someone before and feel sure all of us, your friends here, will prove similarly supportive to yourself.

I honestly haven't been so moved since I read a book entitled The Eden Express by Mark Vonnegut in the mid 70s- yeah, the son of THAT Vonnegut. It remains one of THE most personal, harrowing, moving, touching and incredible documents of a personal journey into a person's fractured mind and back out the other side again that I've ever experienced. In his case it was schizophrenia. An amazing book - probably long out of print though more's the pity.

I'm very aware that I'm waffling here and probably making very little sense... just wanted you to say something, anythin, though so you know I'm there for you, pal. Thanks for sharing that. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you Ptolemy. I thought people's reaction would be - sorry bout your problems but, err, here's not the time or place. and im not trying tot urn this in to a therapy group or anything like that, i just wondered what comment intelligent, worldly experienced and literary aware people might be able to bring to what i wrote. My Psychiatrist said that the writing i do is very good therapy but even better therapy is to share it. So, i did. Thank you so much for your response. I've never before had much courage in just showing my personal writing. Certainly not to anyone beyond my closest friends, but you have given me a lot more confidence to do so. Thank you.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

Mitch

That's a very powerful piece of writing -- it really puts over a strong visual and emotional impression. I imagine the real experience must be truly terrifying -- you have my sympathy, and my admiration for having the courage to share this, and the talent to put it into words so vividly.

Were you around a couple of weeks ago when there was quite an extensive discussion of depression, antidepressants, and how the Fforumites with their various experiences of the illness deal with it? There are actually quite a lot of people on this forum who have problems with depression of various kinds and to varying degrees -- so it was quite an informed and above all sympathetic thread. If you want to have a read of it it's in the thread entitled 'Dodo diet' started by MissPrint on 7 July (could only happen on the Fforum!) -- the discussion of depression starts about a third/halfway down, and carries on on and off (you know what we're like by now) for most of the rest of thread.

(I didn't actually contribute myself - it was a bit close to the bone at the time, as I was suffering from quite a severe bout of depression myself, and trying to deal with it without resorting to medication.)

Anyway, you can rest assured that however different each of our experiences may be from the others here, the one thing you're always guaranteed is a sympathetic ear.

Take care mate, and keep writing . . .

Guy

Med Hettar

It's not melodramatic - it is very evocative and extremely moving and plunges the reader straight into the experience (which sounds like hell - hope you can manage to cope with it). It's something people think they can imagine but you've just shown me, for one, how wrong I was. Don't change it. You are creative and you can write, and the more you do the better you'll get. As Ptolemy says, it's courageous of you to post it, and I'm very glad you did - honoured to read it.... and anything I can do...



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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Wow, i really didn't expect such a warm response. i'm really touched. writing has always been something special to me, and, once my degree is completed, it is what i want to go in to. Im really glad it did what i was trying to make it do and i hope i can use it to show people what it can be like for sufferers. there is so much bad stigma over mental problems, if ur depressed u should just cheer up or pull yourself together and if u have anything like bi polar or schizophrenia then ur nuts, loopy (ad infinitum) but for the individual and for those close to them its very hard but a real every day phenomena that they have to learn to incorporate in to the way the live. My girlfriend is an incredible person, so amazingly understanding and supportive and she truly knows what it's like. So its not just bad for the sufferer but for lots of other people too. People ignore writing on mental problems because they think they are fine so why do they need to know, but who knows which of your friends or family may be suffering in silence or may suffer in the future and you can help them. I feel really passionate abou this for obvious reasons but also because so few sufferes speak out. I want to. I hope my writing is good enough to enable me to make it as a writer too.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

Dear Med

I'm glad you wrote.

I can remember writing down what it felt like to be me at 16, the diagnosis of which need not concern us now, let's just say that the feelings you describe are to me like something I have been near enough to, if not 'appreciate', recognise.

Without wanting to offer any panacea or argue with a doctor, I'll just say, it needn't be for ever. You have reminded me just how very, very lucky I am today, because though like many of us I have my own little things to struggle with, they are now so little that I probably bother over them more than they are due.

So all I can say is, I dearly hope you will see the light at the end of your tunnel, and do believe, if ever it feels like there might be none, that it can come, even if there may not seem to be any reason to think so.

My e-mail is up there and I'm fairly sure everyone will be rooting for you, though it isn't always easy for people to know what to say if they have been spared all this themselves.

God bless.

TMH, you are just such a talented writer. I echo everything everyone else has already said and want to add that your girlfriend must be a very lucky girl to be with such a great and courageous writer!

from me :) :) :) :) :)



"What I need is a strong drink and a peer-group." -Ford Prefect

I don't just want to write to release my emotions and feelings, i write to write for others too and thats when im struck with the most fear. Could i ever be published? Its a terrifying question. Thank you again, everyone, for your support in these difficult times. I knew there was a reason that this seemed like the right place to post that piece!
Ilovespike: she's the courageous one, not me. i wouldn't be here today without her.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

Jasper has some very sensible things to say about being published. I asked him what was the difference between being a talented writer and a published writer, and he spake thus (I hope I have it right as it was a noisy restaurant).

People only read so many books, and therefore only so many can be sold. Therefore there are only so many authors that can be published. There are a lot more writers who are talented than are required to meet demand. He attributes his own success in getting published to luck (though of course he is QUITE clearly good enough, that being a prerequisite).

Of course he does happen to be the nicest, humblest (and wittiest) celebrity you are likely to sit next to in a restaurant full of his fans, so he could just be being diplomatic. But I think he meant what he said, which implies that there are many people out there who are good enough to be published, and rather than fretting about being good enough would be better employed fretting about being lucky enough.

I think I was encouraged by this, but I'm not really sure ---



Post Edited (07-18-03 23:24)

I also slightly wonder if writing what you really enjoy makes what you write better and hence more likely to be published (but then look at Jeffrey Archer... or no, please don't!)



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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Have heard it said he thinks up plots and get others to write them, but then I may have to us that excuse myself someday.

I can't see how writing about something you don't enjoy or does not matter to you is ever going to convince someone else they are enjoying reading it or that it matters to them --- have you anything you can offer us? And did you enjoy writing it?

Me? I write, but I've never tried to get it published on the principle that nothing's finished enough and I'm a coward. So no, not yet! But I will one day (and having met you lot it'll probably be sooner than later...)

Oh and Med Hettar you both are courageous - it takes a great deal of courage to deal with a world that isn't behaving as it should, too (it's just because you're the one dealing with it that you don't see that).



Post Edited (07-18-03 23:45)

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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

I don't think it affects anybody else's enjoyment - but then even if it doesn't get published you'll have enjoyed it...



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I think there needs to be some relation or connection to what you are writing. The stuff i wrote about my attacks is obviously personal, but it gets hard to see how something like WOLP could be personal, that, i think is where good characters come in. The author needs to connect with his/her characters to be able to write them well and i think that marks a good writer. So far i've only ever wrote purely for my own enjoyment or, like with the piece on my attacks, to inform others (e.g friends). I hope what i wrote and posted did illuminate otherwise dark areas for people, i hope it gave them insight and understanding. The thing i like least, is ignorance. It spawns so much suffering. I hope i've helped to remove ignorance and given voice to a group of people, suffering immensely, who rarely get the chance to speak. If i do have a talent for writing, i hope i can put it to a good use, and from my limited life experience of 18 years, these kinds of problems seem to me to be what i can best use writing for.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

PSD: Yep I love it, and if it makes me laugh that's even better (though it won't necessarily make anyone else laugh!) I'm not sure publication's that important actually for me. What a wimp!

THM: No argument here - go for it! Have you tried submitting stuff to any of the Mental Health magazines? Or at least talking to them about what kind of stuff they're looking for? Just thinking that if you can make contacts in the part of the publishing/journalism industry that already exists for writing about those issues, you're more likely to get stuff published in the wider world too...



Post Edited (07-19-03 19:41)

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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Why don't you get together with other sufferers from mental illnesses and put together a book between you? Each of you could write one chapter dealing with his or her own personal experiences, and you (singular) could edit the whole thing. The result would be informative and certainly shed a lot of light into what is, as you say, currently a pretty dark place.



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Sarah, thats a very very good idea. I do have a group of friends, from the realms of cyberspace, who i've met via various mental health things. its definitely something that needs more thought! thank you :-) I won't hesitate in future then, in posting things here, or links rather, of some of my writing, if people are interested at all.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

TMH,

Wow. I am deeply impressed with your ability not simply to visualize your experience in such a way, but to express it intelligibly to others. I think in a way the most valuable thing about your article is that it give a glimpse into what you experience without allowing a reader to feel, complacently, that s/he now understands it completely.

Clearly you have an extraordinary burden to carry, and I can imagine how difficult it is to share adequately with others. I sympathize a great deal not only with you but with your family. I have some idea from my own experience how hard it is for them as well; my older sister has been through many diagnoses in her life, but the present one—Asperger's syndrome—seems at last to be accurate, though ultimately no help. We are in our thirties now and my parents still have to assist her in so many ways because, though she is super-smart, she simply can't deal with a great many things. I confess that I have not always been sympathetic to her problems, in part because, possibly prompted by her autism, sometimes she makes it incredibly hard for those close to her to want to help her. I have had no more helpless feeling in my life than considering what can be done for her and seeing how she suffers. Expressing herself and describing her condition has never been a problem for her!

I don't, of course, know the details of your diagnosis, but it strikes me that, at the very least, your life might become gradually more bearable as you get entirely out of adolescence and your body settles down to adulthood. All of those influences at once must be hell! Hang in there.

humilitas

PS The only recommendation I have about your article is to darken the background color. Low contrast text is very user-unfriendly, particularly to the visually impaired (like me) and/or to people reading on LCD monitors.

I feel guilty writing such a short response, I just don't want to repeat what has already been said. It's a good insight, and you should definitely try for that book Sarah suggested, it would sell well and provide an example of those disorders for everyone.



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Those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.