I agree that the book is a great idea, though I admit I am dubious that it would sell well. Mental illness is a subject that, I venture to say, makes most of us terribly uncomfortable. We do not want to face it at all, preferably, and deal with it only as we must. Of course this is partly because it is still so little understood, so that getting more information about it out there can only be a good thing. But I think there is, deep down, a great fear of being contaminated by exposure, which is ludicrous—yet to this day I remember being utterly traumatized by watching "Sibyl" when I was much younger.

I have thought a good deal over the years about figures in history who almost certainly had some kind of mental "illness" or other, but who were able to function on an extremely high level in at least one area and so became famous rather than confined. As a medievalist of sorts I have often wondered about the lives of some of the saints, St Francis being a sterling example, and of course there's always Joan of Arc. Were they alive now, they'd be in psychotherapy faster than you can say Freud...

Getting back to the book (sorry, tangent appears to be my middle name), I think it's a terrific idea. If you do decide to go forth with it, let me know if you want my sister's input, which I am sure she would be delighted to give.

Well put MedHettar.

Depression is a difficult illness to pin down in writing. Having depression in any shape is not easy to live with and it takes great bravery to admit to it because anyone who is lucky enough not to have suffered with it finds it hard to understand.

Your girlfriend sounds like the ideal person to have around, very sympathetic and a great listener.


I went through a couple of years in my teens, in a very sorry state, it was not at all pleasant. I lapse occassionally, and post natal depression really hits you like a sledgehammer.

At least here you will find very understanding people, who you can trust to be suportive.

Well Done MedHettar from your bestest friend because I love you loads, and I am so glad to see other people reacting in positive ways because mental health is a subject that needs to be approached with a very open mind (its nice to know that there are some truly caring and considerate people out there)

Anyway being new to this Fforum as I am - hello everyone!!!

Welcome, Pollyanna! Many of us have had some kind of mental illness ourselves (myself included), so The Med Hettar is by no means on his own.

Pull up a chair, grab a hot drink and a bag of marshmallows (there are a few dodos plocking around the place, so they'll be useful), and beware of low-flying puns. :-)



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

I have a confession - I read the Mail on Sunday. If you can get over that one of the supplements today has a personal account of Sally Brampton's (novelist and journalist) experience of clinical depression. Echoes many of the other things being described on the forum.

Humilitas ---

My little boy is eight today. He has had such a difficult life, and though one wants to say so much more about him, the simple word 'autustic' gets you there fastest. He very rarely talks. But he is lovely, in his own special way.

I also have a daughter who is nine and a half. She has been absolutely fantastic with him, but then she can remember him as a baby of tremendous promise, and who she was very excited about when he was born. I have often been grateful that she was born first, as it must be very difficult to come after an autistic child.

I think it's brilliant that you can talk about your difficulties relating to your sister. It's hard to be honest about these things, and it is such a strain; not to be able to help (it seems), ones' best efforts making no difference (we think), there being no hope for the future (we fear). And with about one in fifty boys (girls with autism are relatively rare, though that's not a suggestion of a wrong diagnosis) considered autistic in the UK, the army of those needing to care for them is becoming huge. Whenever I mention my sons' autism, there is always someone there who has an autistic child in their family or whatever, it is frighteningly common today.

When he first had symptoms, and became withdrawn, the first advice was that it might be a degenerative brain disease, and he might slip away into cabbagedom. That was one of the most frightening moments of my life. Both I and my ex wife experienced the temptation to abandon him. To be tempted is not to do something; but the feelings had to be faced.

My daughter is almost unfailingly kind and understanding, and I always make sure she knows that I am particularly proud of her for that --- and of course for other things. I also tell myself that when you take his diagnosis into account, my son is probably the nicest little boy you could ever find. He is happy to run around and giggle and play his own games, whereas I think for a lot of similar diagnoses it's shout at the wall all day. So I am, in quite a different way, proud of him, too. And I find that whenever I treat his behaviour as normal in public (as it is, in a way, for him) it embarasses no one.

I look at my son as the result of a process; every generation of my fathers' family has had an increasing tendency to be shy and withdrawn. 43 years of fighting against the tide means you would probably be surprised by this if you met me. But how can I complain if my son is more me than I am?

It's a pity that I cannot have my children stay with me separately more often, because it is difficult to do the best for both of them at the same time. But the funny thing is that whenever one of the children comes alone, it just doesn't feel right. We are a unit. Fortunately it seems that my daughter is perfectly OK with other children, and has not become in any way limited when with them as a result of all the sacrifices needed to suit her brother.

Anyway, nothing above was meant critically, I'm just swapping experiences.

BTW, Dustin Hoffman or what!!!

Happy Birthday to him Dave - they both sound lovely.



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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Appreciated, will do.

Just took them back to their mum.

I tell them that too.

Daughter was told that all daddies say their children are the best in the world, so it doesn't mean anything. Glower. So I told her that I was really proud of how she looked after her brother, and understood about him when he unwittingly broke her stuff, and that most other little girls didn't have to put up with that, and that she really was the best little girl in the world. And if my son is listening, he will know that he is lovely; I always make a point of telling him so. That was how I faced the above dark moment; I fought to find something in him to be glad of, and held onto it; we still have his loveliness today. Yes, he sometimes seems a complete trial, but it is so much easier for us than for him.

If only a card meant anything to him.

Never can work out why people say these things to children - smart ass remarks, not realising they'll take them literally. Grrr.

He sounds as if there's a lot to be glad of - he's happy which is brilliant for all of you - and I'd be surprised if he doesn't know he's loved at some level, even if he can't acknowledge or express it. God, the card thing's a b****r. Poor old you (that it doesn't mean anything I mean) : )



Post Edited (07-21-03 00:09)

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If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

have to agree with Alison there, you're daughter will certainly know though that you love her no matter what someone else says, and for the card, well, I've spent ages picking the right card for the kids birthdays and they read em and frankly just can't wait to tear into the presents, the card is here today and gone tomorrow, having you as his dad is the thing that is going to last and your love is what is going to be there everytime he sees you. My best wishes to the three of you.

Much appreciated.

Cards that play a tune are the only ones with a future as far as my son is concerned.

I think it's about time I told you all my children are Jessica and Joshua.

My son has a wide variety of keyboard based musical things which he finds great comfort in. There is a kind of breakthrough point at which they no longer drive you insane if used repetitively. After that you think, he's enjoying himself, I'm glad; indeed the pattern of use is a clue to his mood.

its strange but, i work now in a play and activity day centre for children with mental and physiocal difficulties. Do you, the fforum members, think this is a good thing or a bad thing for someone of my situation?
incidentally, the attacks have become far more common, from once or twice a month to 5 or 6 times a week. They are also far more severe than ever before. But im more aware of them and better able, i think to deal with them. Or, if not deal with them, then recognise the things to do to make it better.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

Naah, working with others seems perfectly reasonable - and at least you have the insider knowledge to go with it.

I handle my depression/anxiety by recognising when it's getting worse, and okay i'm on pills at the moment, but I've got through a lot without. Just as long as you're honest about it.



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

I have depression, but depression doesn't have me. I control it with medication and up the ante against it when I feel a resurgance coming on. Accepting it as part of yyour life makes a big difference, I've found.

I just had an attack. A pretty bad one as well. I really wanted to self harm, but i managed to resist. I grabbed a huge pad and i drew, i drew and i drew and i drew and now have a (scary) picture of my feelings right then. Now, i feel really sh*tty but at least i don't want to cut. I wish i always had the clarity of mind to grab the pad and draw when it hits me, but im glad i did this time.



TMH

//---------------//------------------//
One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

I always used to write when I wanted to cut, if that helps.



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

How long do your attacks usually last?

sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes (but rarely) a half hour or more. sometimes i write, sometimes i draw but too often i don't have the presence of mind to do those things. Im so in the grip of them that there's nothing i can do. Normally tho the urge to cut and my attacks are seperate, it was unusual for them to be together. But i made it through.



TMH

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One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.

Good for you!

I once tookk it out by shouting at a herd of cows. I felt a bit silly afterwards though....



PSD

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This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

You might have felt silly but i bet the cows felt worse. Why aren't you in the chat room psd?



TMH

//---------------//------------------//
One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.