I don't get much spam as Hotmail's filter takes it out, along with quite a few legitimate emails, so I spend much of my time retrieving messages that I may need.

I'm not complaining for the previous state of affairs meant deleting twenty messages a day asking if I wanted my tits expanded. Being on the testosterone side of the line it was not appropriate, and the promise of a biggus dickus, as the Carry On team put it, just meant extra washing.

'savings in your wildest dreams'

'Congratulations - YOU HAVE WON!!!'

(Not particularly amusing, except that the sender shares her name with my first year university roommate, so gave me pause for thought.)

(Here's one that made it into my inbox)

Let's get fired up Baylor!

(Well, that's not technically spam, but I never bother reading stuff that requires me to get fired up about sports, so I delete that along with the offers of.... instrument enlargers.)

"your wife/girl will SCREAMMM!!"

(So, too, might my husband if I were to follow the remainder of the subject line and "claim [my] 7-inchesPenis here".)

(SNORK!)

"you heard about it on OPRAH..."

"Enormous machine is your privilege."

"@#$%& convenent and the best"

(i'm still debating over this one... either something to do with nuns or second-hand pianos)

"Last chance to score a job in the big leagues"

Quote:

Ensure you do not get left out - get your necessary equipment here

Must be a tool hire firm

LUV is in the air

low-pried designer handbags

(Only a little bit nosy?)

Local Bored Housewives Need You

"More inches of enjoyment!"


- Who knew enjoyment was measured in inches? - I suppose it would apply to an extra paragraph in a JFF creation.

<wonders why enjoyment hasn't gone metric?>

(Okay, I have NEVER had a spam subject line that made me burst out laughing before, until now.)

Unleash that watering hose inside your pants.

(I mean really, who wouldn't want to do that?)

(some one keeps telling me that they have sold out of fake Rolex watches.

If they have sold out of something I don't want to buy, perhaps I won't read their message........)

"Your invitation for a university degree (no-one is refused)"

(The parenthetical 'no-one is refused' was part of the heading; just in case you thought they might reject your 500 bucks)

"Click here if you can't read this"

I clicked and nothing happened.

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Blood! Death! War! Rumpy pumpy! Triumph!

That's because you could read it.