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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 8th Jan 2012

Paxman to host historic interview
with notorious pirate

It could only be Jeremy Paxman. The suave and well-spoken scourge of politicians and host of University Challenge became the journalist of choice when Captain Pugwash decided to end his twelve year self-imposed exile and talk frankly about his life, struggles with two dimensionality and whether it was he who informed on Cut-Throat Jake in exchange for a lesser sentence and a huge sack of gold.

Monday's Newsnight will be a historic moment for British TV, when the reclusive ex-pirate, whose exploits thrilled and delighted generations of Britons, finally agrees to 'tell all' regarding the somewhat darker chapters of his life.

Although precise details of the interview will not be known until transmission, insiders at the BBC claim the interview was 'total dynamite' and will reignite the debate as to whether Captain Horatio Pugwash was a pirate as claimed, or whether he was secretly working as a 'Privateer' in the pay of the Royal Navy in order to destabilise shipping routes near the Panama Canal, and whether there was any truth that he was secretly knighted for clandestine work during the Falklands conflict.

The Captain, now approaching ninety, has often been asked for an interview, and aside from the occasion that Black Pig crewman Master Mate appeared on Richard and Judy to promote the 'Long John' home for retired pirates, little has been heard from him since Pugwash vanished from British television sets in 1975, a move that was itself clouded in controversy amid allegations that Captain Pugwash might actually be made of cardboard, a claim that he vigorously denied.

Paxman will, it is thought, also question the Captain on allegations that his struggle with two-dimensionality affected his work as a pirate, and will suggest that it may have been Tom the cabin-boy who was the real brains behind the outfit.

Also apparently on the table for discussion will be reports that Pugwash's ship, The Black Pig has been recently sighted in the Gulf of Aden, and that he and his crewmates may be 'up to their old tricks again'. The recent release of Cut-Throat Jake from Parkhurst and subsequent disappearance may also have something to do with it, as Jake's ship, The Flying Dustman was recently stolen from a museum in Marseille.

The full interview will be transmitted on BBC2 at 8:00PM Monday.

Josh Hatchett reporting The Toad
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The official publicty shot (c) BBC/John Ryan

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The debate becomes heated as Paxman airs suspicions that Captain
Pugwash might actually be made of cardboard (c) BBC/John Ryan

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Insiders reveal that Captain Pugwash will dismiss reports of recent sightings
as 'Herringsbreath Hogwash' (Wikimedia Commons)

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