picky, picky, picky....
Posted by:
Skiffle (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: May 31, 2003 11:46AM
Maybe I didn't have enough to do one afternoon, but here is the text of a letter I sent to Burton's, the manufacturers of Wagon Wheels biscuits:
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Dear Sir/Madam
I like wagon Wheels and I've been eating them a lot recently as they've been on Special Offer in many places (tight-fisted, me ?). However, last night, while enjoying one of your excellent products as a late-night snack, I decided to take a closer look at the exciting scene depicted on the front of the wrapper. I was horror-struck !
Unlikely as it seems, I am a Western novelist, with nine titles in print, four also in large-print editions and readily available from your local library network. When I was writing about my masterpiece of honour and greed, "Hyde's Honour", for my website, I included my thoughts on the excellent cover. My particular point was that the artist actually knew what a saddle and bridle looked like, unlike a lot of cover artists, especially those working in the fantasy genre.
Perhaps you can anticipate how I felt when I took that closer look at the picture on the wrapper. As usual, the noseband of the bridle is connected directly to the cheekpieces at the nose, instead of attaching to straps that buckle to the cheekpieces about level with the eyes. The throatlashs are fastened tightly enough to strangle the poor horses. Neither bridle seems to have an earpiece, the strap that goes behind the horse's ears and stops the whole bridle from falling off. the collars must have been made for much larger horses as they don't sit around the base of the neck, where the horse can lean into them, but lie around the horses' shoulders, where they would interfere with free use of the forelegs and prevent the horses from using their strength effieciently.
As for the wagon, the wheels appear to be attached directly to the sides of the body, rather than to axles. Comfort of the driver seems to have been low on the list of priorities, since there is no seat. Quite how and where the horses are attached to the speeding wagon is a bit of a mystery, as neither shafts nor pole seem to be present. Perhaps the driver has nailed himself to the floor of the wagon and the horses are pulling the wagon with the reins. Still, at least the cowboy is a bit of a dish, even if I'd never buy a horse built like either of those two, except for dogmeat. Or catmeat, but I don't have a freezer and Skiffle and Diesel couldn't possibly eat that much horsemeat before it went off. It's traditional to offer dead horses to the local Hunt, but I don't have the phone number of mine. One doubts whether they advertize in the Yellow Pages.
Enough of this rambling. To summarize:
1) Great biscuit
2) Sack your artist
Here's a thought. I write Westerns and you sell 'Wagon Wheels'. I've got great legs and contact lens and no problems that a good make-up artist can't fix. I can sing too (honest). Think of the sponsorship/tie-in possibilities ! Well, it *was* just a thought
Hugs
Gillian F Taylor
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I showed the letter to some friends, who all exclaimed that it would be pinned up and passed around the Burton's office for everyone to giggle at. My thought was that working in the customer relations department of a biscuit factory probably isn't that thrilling, and if I've brightened someone's day by sending in a silly letter, so much the better.
This is the reply I got
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Dear Ms Taylor
Thank you very much for your informative letter that we read with much interest.
We are pleased to hear that you think our Wagon Wheels are great (glad we got something right), but as to your suggestion on sacking the artist - we imagine he is long dead by now (possibly run over by the speeding wagon). We will, however, pass your comments on the to appropriate department for their information
Once again, thank you for writing to us we are always delighted to hear our customers comments and suggestions.
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So, do you think I made their day ?