When I was first introduced to the word "twll", it was in a totally innocent context. I had a Welsh friend at university who was bilingual, and her family used to refer to the junk-cupboard as the "twll dan griesiau" (literally "hole under the stairs").

Look, it just means "hole", all right? Anything else you choose to add to it is up to you!



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Ever had a cat pee on a gas fire ? You have to just let it burn off. The most acrid, uuurgh smell you can imagine.

Don't know why governments spend millions developing chemical warfare. Cat pee bombs would clear any battlefield in no time flat, plus no nasty chemical aftermath.

Do you think I should suggest it to the MOD ?

hahaha, ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I can make donations of product! Remember how in WWII, women gave up silk stockings and did all sorts of other unique things to further the war effort? Well, would I be doing my part by collecting cat pee to use in bio/chem weapons?! LOL Do you think they'd want it sorted by neutered and non-neutered male?

Speaking of ruining keyboards......

I have a friend, Joe, who's sister Nancy runs a YWCA camp near Port Huron, Michigan. This camp has a very nice lodge (wood, with a nice fireplace) at which I attended Joe's wedding. During the summer, they also had a petting zoo of sorts, with a lot of animals. One particular goat managed to escape on a regular basis, and usually found his way into the lodge. (Their best guess was that he liked the sound his hooves made on the hardwood floor.)

On this particular occasion (about 10 years ago), the goat had once again found his way into the Lodge, and Nancy was trying to chase him out and get him back where he belonged. Of course, instead of going out the door, the goat ran into the camp office (trust a goat to find the place where it can do the most potential damage). Nancy grew more emphatic in her efforts to shoo the goat out and the frightened goat climbed onto the chair, and when shooed again climbed onto the next available surface, which happened to be the desk, and meandered toward the computer.

Upon realizing that the goat was now straddling her keyboard, Nancy suddenly became much more cautious, not wanting to startle the goat into damaging something. As she was trying to decide how to deal with this particular dilemma, the goat decided to urinate.....right into the keyboard. She watched in horror as each row of keys filled and overflowed, one at a time, spilling onto the desk.

After she had finally evicted the goat, she dumped the contents of the keyboard, rinsed it with water, and called Tech Support to see if they could reccomend something with which she could clean it out. The tech support guy, of course, wanted to know what she'd spilled in it, so he could reccomend the proper cleaning agent. She was reluctant to tell him, and asked him to just reccomend something general purpose. When he still insisted that he had to know, she told him "I'd really rather not say". The guy assured her not to worry, that he'd heard it all. She finally told him it was goat urine. At that point there was a long pause at the other end of the line, followed by what sounded like gales of laughter from a number of people. Eventually, the guy came back on the line, and told her "Ma'am? You need to buy a new keyboard."



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"I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around."
--Ross Smith

okay, maybe I was wrong about cat pee being the worst...holy cow...or should I say 'holy goat!?' LOL Doesn't surprise me though. Anyone who has ever dealt with goats knows just how supremely plausible that story really is!

Going back to obsure English place names my favourites for many years have been Matching Tye and Bell End.

In Norfolk and Fenland area, you often find one basic name shared between 2 or 3 villages, with minor distinctions. Common distinctions include: Upper and Lower, North, South etc., Great and Little.
Also Kirby Cane & Kirby Row.
Saxlingham Green, Saxlingham Thorpe & Saxlingham Nethergate
Somewhere & Somewhere Street: eg Topcroft & Topcroft Street.
Somewhere & somewhere green: eg Hempnall & Hempnall Green

My favourite pattern is two or more hamlets with the same basic name, distinguished by the patron saint of the church and/or geographical features. Hence clusters like:
Tilney All Saints, Tilney St Lawrence & Tilney High End.
Walpole St Andrews, Walpole St Peters & Walpole Highway.
Wiggenhall St Mary the Virgin, Wiggenhall St Germans, Wiggenhall St Peters & Wiggenhall St Mary Magadalen.

All of the villages above can be found within a 20 mile area west and south of Kings Lynn.

Closer to home are:
High Green & Lynch Green
Forncett St Mary, Forncett End & Forncett St Peter
Tivetshall St Margaret & Tivetshall St Mary
Morley St Peter & Morley St Boltoph

I love maps !

You know, England is NOT that big of a place...you'd think they could have thought up original names for all the places! (of course, here in the "Colonies", we have lots of places named after YOUR places...go figure! But then again, we have more names to think up!)

Norfolk also seems to specialize in placenames that are spoken in ways that you would never guess from reading them.

Costessey - that's pronounced 'Cossy'. Obvious, really.
East Dereham - This one sometimes catches out travel reporters. It's 'Deerham', not 'Deram'.
Swardeston - slur it as 'Swardsdon'.
Happisburgh - small coastal resort correctly known as 'Hazeborough'. (?)
Wymondham - I believe there's another town with a similar name that's spoken more or less as spelt. In Norfolk, however, it's 'wind-um' (wind as in moving air that gets your hair in your ice-cream).

There's a village called Duck End, too...

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"Some days I diet, other days they serve lasagne."

I live in Sandal, wakefield. Which most people insist on spelling 'Sandle'

Why, I do not know. I've never heard of a sandle.

A sandle is the handle of a small, plastic bucket, after it's been to the seaside.
As any fule kno.

arf arf.

Evesham is said Eesham, at least by the locals (who also decline the verb to be as 'I be, you be, he be, we be, you be, they be')



PSD

==========

This is the work of an Italian narco-anarchic collective. Don't bother insulting them, they can't read English anyway.

A friend's family moved from Sussex to Wiltshire when his little sister was aged about five. You could tell how far she'd got in learning to count when they moved, and what was learned subsequently:

"One, two, three, four, foive, six, seven, oigt."

My niece, who is two, can reliably count to seven. After that it becomes rather uncertain until she gets to eleven, at which point she goes into an endless loop:

"...eleven, fourteen, eleven, fourteen, eleven, fourteen..."

Well, at least it means she could go on counting for ever!



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Here's a random love letter generator.

[www.fridgemagnet.org.uk]

Examples:

Dear <insert name here>,

What do I have to do just to make you laugh?

I never meant to spit on a sex-mad kitten God, you little bloodstained kitten!

I can hardly type, I love you so much. I never meant to love to listen to a dressing gown scratch a cauliflower

I'll force a German Shepherd to plant a dahlia and name it after you to win your love. I just want you to know that to drive you wild with desire, I'd adopt a walrus and name it after you. God, you precious dirty hummingbird!

I remember when you used to paint a guilty melon. While I'm writing this I got so emotional I had to make it compulsory to spend all day trying to propose to a bunch of mint leaves.

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Dear <insert name here>,

I'll pay a sweet sex-mad invaluable hummingbird to tickle a magician's assistant to wake up with you every day, you bunch of mint leaves. If you loved me like I love you, you'd make dinner out of a tree and a bald cigarette. You're my funny little amazing rose. I promise I'll make clothes out of a invaluable songbird to drive you wild with desire.

----------------
Dear <insert name here>,

God, you festering rude walrus! I just want you to know that (and it would feel good) if I could just hear your voice again, I'd spend all day trying to paint a aubergine. Every time you suck a festering self-help book, I lose my mind. If you loved me like I love you, you'd barbeque a precocious cobra. While I'm writing this I got so emotional I had to smash a greenfly. What have I done to offend you? What do I have to do just to make you laugh?

---------------------
Dear <insert name here>,

You're my greedy amazing blade of grass. I feel I must tell you that I'd fart on a sweet mousemat to win your love.

What have I done to offend you? I promise I'll blow kisses at a fridgemagnet just to make you happy, no matter what they say. What have I done to offend you? Oh, I can't blow kisses at a cobra because I love you so much.

What do I have to do despite everything if you'll just give me a sign?

I promise I'll suck a kitten for your love. Every time you shave a worthless bunny, I lose my mind. You're my dirty bashful slipper.

I can hardly type, I love you so much. I just want you to know that if you'll only love me, I'd listen to a fridgemagnet play with a chilli.

----------------------------
I love you...

What do I have to do to drive you wild with desire?

I remember when you used to make dinner out of a precious nettle and a dahlia.

I feel I must tell you that I'd paint a bashful dirty cauliflower no matter what, if you'd only love to make it compulsory to try to adopt a bashful grasping onion and name it after you.

I can hardly type, I love you so much.

You're my hilarious bunny. I can hardly type, I love you so much. Every time you make clothes out of a bloodstained chicken, I lose my mind. I love you so much! I'm going to never love to suck a frigid grasping puppy again if I could only be with you always. I feel I must tell you that I'd make it compulsory to smash a stallion if I could only be with you always. I'm finding it hard to write this, but I'll try.... I feel I must tell you that I'd tickle a syphilitic chicken if you'd only let me try to adopt a invaluable enticing little chilli and name it after you.



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&quot;I've often said that the difference between British and American SF TV series is that the British ones have three-dimensional characters and cardboard spaceships, while the Americans do it the other way around.&quot;
--Ross Smith

Wilfred says that is exactly what he needs to write a nice sensible coherent love letter to Dido.

Oh, my goodness, he must be even drunker than usual!



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That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
(Llewelyn the dragon, Ozy and Millie)

Sarah

Dido (dido, it's off to work we go...) might being described as a hummingbird; they are rather attracive things. Can she (or anyone) read Wilfred's flipperwriting ?

Magda:

a) where in hell do you find these things?

b) you owe me a new keyboard.



- - -
I am very interested in the Universe. I am specialising in the Universe and everything surrounding it. - E. L. Wisty