Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

Toad News Banner
Next Article                   Previous Article

The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Issue 31,401 28th December 2011

Leading Limpet Theologian shocked to discover Winkle God may be Winkle-shaped

Leading Limpet Clerics residing on rock GH345-JK-789544-TQ/9 were yesterday reeling from the potentially shocking revelation that a lesser God venerated by the guest-worker periwinkles (Littorina littorea) might be winkle-shaped and not limpet-shaped, as was previously assumed.

L-15, a spokesperson for the Theological College of Limpets, was at pains to point out that this conclusion was 'preliminary' and needed to be confirmed, but indicated that the Limpet Clergy was taking the matter very seriously, and would be compiling a report to be presented before His Filterness the Gastropope, probably in as little as six tides.

Whilst other Univalve deities have always been tolerated and on occasion respected, it was always thought 'The Great Winkle' was simply another name to the much venerated 'Almighty Limpet' - but then a chance visit to a Winkle Church revealed iconography that suggested the 'Mighty Winkle' to be winkle-shaped, and not at all like a Limpet.

"If this is true," said an unnamed Limpet cleric yesterday, "then the very question of theistic study, faith and belief are cast into wider debate, and may indicate that while our own Limpet God is very much a Limpet, that other gods belonging to other gastropods may have Gods in their own images, which leads to the terrifying possibility that the Gods may not exist at all, but have been devised by the very life form that believes in them."

The issue will be discussed at the United Limpet Nations summit in 120 tides, along with other pressing issues of the day, such as salinity, the increased Crab threat, and the admittance of bivalves into the National Gastropod Security Council.

Joshua Shrimp, feeder Journalist from The Clam.
a Winkle by Carol Tucker

Periwinkle PW-9827 yesterday cleaning up after its master, L-678
Picture: Carol Tucker


The Limpet Theological Summit held during Hightide#67281972.
Limpet L-15 (second on left) gives his findings to high-ranking Limpet clerics

More Limpet-Related News:

Today's Toad                   Toad Archive                  Fforde Website

the toad
More Toad