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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. Feb 20th 2009.

Terrorist group threatens
stability of Amorican Coast


An artist's impression of the two terrorists

The Prefect of occupied Gaul spoke of his dismay yesterday that the violent fanaticism of a few Gaulish terrorists was continuing to destabilise the region, and warned that much-needed investment to improve infrastructure and development might be delayed 'perhaps for centuries'.

Tension in the area has been high since the pacifying Roman forces brought much-needed order to the fragmented and barbaric land, yet despite the introduction of law, wine and excellent trading possibilities, a few 'bad apples' continue to derail the ongoing peace process with a series of unprovoked attacks upon the peace-keeping troops encamped in the region.

The so-called Gaulish Warriors are known to operate in an active cell of two, and are highly mobile, cunning, and have an overwhelming capacity for wild boar and bad puns. Going by the names of 'Asterix' and 'Obelix', the pair are known to have been behind a number of unprovoked attacks upon Roman property in recent years, and despite many attempts at capture, remain frustratingly still at large.

"They just come in and bash us," an unnamed Legionaire told us yesterday, "a small one and big one. What's more, they seem to have gained some sort of extra strength through substance abuse."

The pair have also been pursued by some years by the lawyers of a group of pirates, who are consistently brought to the edge of ruin by the destruction of personal property. Environmental officers are also keen to speak to the pair, as they have concerns over the unrestricted hunting of wild boar.

"These terrorists must be stopped," declared Julius Caesar yesterday, "and all those who help, harbour, and assist them."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for Romanus Toadus.

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

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