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The Well of Lost Plots V1.1 (UK Edition)
|To upgrade to WOLP V1.1, please follow instructions below:|
As is customary with early book releases, there are a few bugs that made it through the rigourous testing procedures for which Fforde books have not become legendary. The following instructions allow you to update your edition to an all new V1.1.
1: Editions covered by this upgrade: All Hodder hardback and softback editions. ON NO ACCOUNT attempt to upgrade any advanced Readers copies or US editions; a 'deep text crash' may result which will render your book unreadable and may well wipe out all the planet's fiction.
2: Earth the book by touching it lightly against a dictionary.
3: If you are running your library on the outdated SCROLL V7.3 or PAPYRUS 2.8, please upgrade immediately to BOOK 8.3 which is available by downloading HERE .
4: If you are running the Beta Version of BOOK V9 or "UltraWord™" as it is known and have Anti-GrammasitePro™ or ReadZip™ activated, please disable before upgrade. Third party hardware ancillaries such as bookmarks, pressed flowers, old bus tickets, prophylactics, etc, must also be removed.
5: Using a fine black pen make the following corrections:
i: Go to page 79 and 170 and where it says 'Stalingrad' change to 'Tsaritsyn'. Of course, with Russia a Czarist state, Stalin would not have had a city named after him. To be honest 'Stalingrad' was chosen for its dramatic associations rather than for accuracy and 'Tsaritsyn' just doesn't really cut the mustard. Mind you, would Hitler have invaded Russia if it had been a monarchy? Probably not. *sigh*
ii: Go to page 99 and delete 'mid' from the line: "garden of mid-nineteenth century prose". Sense and Sensibility was published in 1811.
iii: Go to page 100 and delete 'three mice sitting in a circle eyeing a farmer's wife who was standing next to' so the sentence reads: "Perhaps I was being slow, but it was only when I saw a large egg with arms and legs that I realised who they were." The mice couldn't eye anyone - they're blind.
iv: Go to page 105 and where it says: 'He had drunk, stole and womanised..' change to 'He had drunk, stolen and womanised..' Slight verb nibbling by grammasites.
v: Go to page 209. Top of the chapter. It was three days later, not two. Please change.
vi: Go to page 249 and replace the line: "Lola was still at Nemo's." with the clearly superior line: "Lola had gone out early to meet some friends." Left over editing rubble that wasn't swept into the corner.
vii: Go to page 252 and replace the lines:
'I'll speak to her as soon as she gets back from Nemo's. You don't think she and Nemo-?'
'-No.' I looked at my watch."
'I'll speak to her as soon as she gets back.'
'Good.' I looked at my watch.
More rubble. Really annoying. If any of you out there have to write a book in three months, you'll know how easy it is to let these things slip in...
viii: Go to page 260. Replace 'Come and see his statue,' with 'Come and see the statue,' As we find out later, The Great Panjandrum appears to those as they appear to themselves. Miss Havisham, had she ever seen The Great P, would regard it as 'she'. TGP's real gender is unknown.
viiii: Go to pages 126 & 127 and where it says: 'Here, here' change to 'Hear, Hear' Lot of controversy over this one. 'Hear, Hear' is a contraction of the parliamentary cry: 'Hear him, hear him!' but 'here, here' is something you might say to a dog when you want it to stop worrying the neighbour's cat.
x: Go to page 247 and where it says "Both Perkins and Snell's places were to be taken by A-9 Generic..." replace with: "Both Perkins and Snell's places were to be taken by B-2 Generic.." Perkins and Snell were never good enough to be described as A-9s.
xi: Go to page 176 and where it says "Perkins was one of the best" replace with "Snell was one of the best". Bradshaw, probably distracted by Melanie's Bookworld award worries, made an error. Quite unlike him. But not unlike me.
xii: Go to page 200 and where the vet says, "If you're exchanging golliwogs for teddy bears, you're in the wrong book." replace with "If you're exchanging golliwogs for monkeys, you're in the wrong book." My thanks to Laura Amon for pointing this out.
xiii: Go to page 74 and replace "Lenny" with the correctly spelled "Lennie". It's a John Steinbeck in-joke, but I might as well spell it correctly.
xiv: Go to page 150 and replace the line "it was a Croquet Federation Final - a SuperHoop" with "it was a World Croquet League final - a SuperHoop". The Croquet Federation does actually exist - so I thought I'd better make up my own.
xv: Go to page 56 and correct second "Slaughtened Lamb" with correct spelling of "Slaughtered Lamb".
6: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of The Well of Lost Plots V1.1. To fully authenticate your copy download the upgrade sticker file by clicking HERE. Print out the download and affix it to the title page of your copy. Thank you for using the jasperfforde.com upgrade service.
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