On Monday 6th Oct the Christchurch Earthquake Commission is finally going to start repairs on my house, from the damage in the February 22nd, 2011 earthquake.

I'm staying for five weeks in my sister's holiday home on the West Coast, New Zealand. No TV, no landline, no cellphone coverage, no broadband, no dialup.

There's lots of driftwood on the beach, though, and my sister has a vast library there.

To put it another way: sorry, not me.

Good grief Misty have you been holding up your bookshelves for3
years?

Okay, I'll go. I would say it is mostly mineral.

0) Mineral.

1) is it wooden?

2) Will it fit in a breadbox?

Gosh, I completely forgot it was me! Umm, what was it again...

0) Mostly mineral.
1) No, it is not in the main wooden.
2) It would not fit in a breadbox.

Is it Mt Everest?

0) Mostly mineral.
1) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
2) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
3) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!

4) A diamond as big as the Ritz?

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).

05) It it found indoors?

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).
05) Found indoors? No, you wouldn't think of it being indoors.

06) Is it manufactured?

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).
05) Found indoors? No, you wouldn't think of it being indoors.
06) Manufactured? Yes, definitely.

Does it contain a battery?

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).
05) Found indoors? No, you wouldn't think of it being indoors.
06) Manufactured? Yes, definitely.
07) Does it contain a battery? No! No! Nooooooooooo!

Has it got moving parts?( and if so would it move me)

(Resists the 'Would it move me?' gag.)

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).
05) Found indoors? No, you wouldn't think of it being indoors.
06) Manufactured? Yes, definitely.
07) Does it contain a battery? No! No! Nooooooooooo!
08) Has it got moving parts? Yes
09) Would it move OB? Yes,

Is it an infernal contradiction engine?

00) Mostly mineral.
01) Is it wooden? No, not wooden.
02) Bigger than a breadbox? It would not fit in a breadbox.
03) Mount Everest? No, no, no. Not a mountain at all, in fact!
04) A diamond as big as the Ritz? No, sorry, not a diamond as big as the Ritz (either cracker or hotel).
05) Found indoors? No, you wouldn't think of it being indoors.
06) Manufactured? Yes, definitely.
07) Does it contain a battery? No! No! Nooooooooooo!
08) Has it got moving parts? Yes
09) Would it move OB? Yes,
10) Is it an infernal contradiction engine? No, it is not an infernal contradiction engine. If it were I would have had to contradict you anyway!