Readers Nuggets:
The Nextian Songbook:
"Nextian Pie" This a joint effort from Jon Brierley and Ben Tymen. They would both like to point out that they were, of course, parodying the Don Maclean version, and not Madonna's.
Posted: 14th Jan 2003

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember how those pages used to make me smile,
And I know if I had a chance,
To read Well of Lost Plots in advance,
I'd even sell my Grandma, just to see.
'Cause waiting for it makes me shiver,
When will Mr Fforde deliver?
Bad news on the Fforum,
We might have to wait till nearly Autumn.
I'm not saying if I've tried,
To get this psycho-analysed,
But something's sent my mind crazy,
The wait, for TN3...


So how long, have we got till it comes?
I've been down to my bookseller and he thinks I'm insane,
But Thursday Next is now stuck on my brain,
I'll have to read the first two again,
I'll have to read the first two again.

And who wrote the Shakespeare plays?
Will we see more of Landen Parke-Laine?
Will Mr Fforde please tell us so?
Will Pickwick lay a fertile egg?
Will Hades rear his awful head?
And can you teach Miss Havisham to drive real slow?
Well I know that she's in Spec-Ops too,
But Jurisfiction gives her more to do,
The prose-portal may be open,
But I am still quite hopeful...
That the Well of Lost Plots may be out soon,
And I can sing a happy tune,
But summer seems far too long,
To keep us Nextians hanging on.

(Refrain) *

Now for six months we've been on our own
Mycroft grows fat in Sherlock Holmes
And the times are gone that we used to crave
When Thursday played in the Cheshire Cat
And lived in Swindon in a grotty flat
With a dodo that came from Pete and Dave's
Oh, and while Hades was being mean
Thursday killed him, changed the scene
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Bowden read a book of jokes
Braxton practiced with Goliath blokes
The Fforum was full of funny folk
The day that Hades died

We were singing {Refrain}

Skyrail trouble in a summer swelter
Cardenio's in a big steel shelter
Entropy is low, and falling fast
Thursday landed in a book
The Whigs tried for a voter's hook
With Landen on the sidelines of the past
Now the land was full of pinkish goo
And life on earth would end real soon
She tried to move real fast
Oh, but she couldn't change the past
'Cause when the Nexts tried to take the field
The ChronoGuard refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day that Hades died

We started singing {Refrain}

Oh, and there we were all in one place
All Nextians in cyberspace
While Thursday had to leave, to start again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be slow
Jack Schitt stuck in Edgar Allen Poe
'Cause fire is Miss Jane Eyre's only friend
Oh, and as she watched him on the roof
Thursday knew she couldn't be aloof
No angel born in hell
Could break Acheron's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Thursday laughing with delight
The day that Hades died

She was singing {Refrain}

I met a girl who'd paid her dues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd read the books years before
But the man there said there were no more books today
And in the streets the mammoths screamed
SpecOps tried, and Goliath schemed
But not a word was spoken
The Prose Portal was broken
And the three things we admire most
The Jasper, the Dodo and the crusty toast
They caught the Skyrail for the coast
The day that Hades died

And they were singing {Refrain}