My thanks to PoetScientistDrinker for the following warning, appearing in the Fforde Fforum a while ago but I hadn't seen it. There is some good quality stuff down there; if you haven't been, please do.
Updated: 16th Nov 2002
- can all Jurisfiction operatives please be aware that Goliath's experimental prose portal may have been used to alter copies of whimsical Victorian poetry. Please report ANY suspicious lines to the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat. One sample of the suspect verse has been attached to this document so you know what to look for.
The Owl and the Pussycat - Brought to you EXCLUSIVELY by Goliath!
The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat.
They took some honey and plenty of money,
A sign of Goliath's wise and benign influence upon the post-war English economy, we note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely pussy! O pussy, my love,
What a beautiful pussy you are,
What a beautiful pussy you are!'
Pussy said to Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long have we tarried:
But where shall we purchase a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where Goliath provides everything you need, from cradle to grave!
And there in a wood, a preist of the GSD stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose,
Provided by Goliath, who else?
'Dear Vicar, are you willing, for the price of a shilling
To marry us here, today?'
Said the Vicar: 'I'm willing, for the price of a shilling'
And he married them there today.
And all thanks to Goliath, the commercial giant,
Who frankly keep England stood tall.
And so hand in hand, With Goliath we stand,
And they dance by the light of the moon,
They danced by the light of the Moon.
Of course most operatives wil have already noticed the lack of subtlety and skill in the actions of Goliath. Fortunately the damage was easily repaired, except for a couple of bloopholes that need plugging. The most major of these concerns the fact that the Owl now mistakenly serenades the guitar instead of the Cat.
Another issue we are currently unable to deal with is the outbreak of sexual innuendo that seems to have accompanied Goliath's intervention - we are currently trying to see if the disruption allowed texters access undetected. So far we have been unable to remove the innuendo, and may be forced to turn a blind eye to any Bowdlerisers in the area. Obviously we would prefer not to encourage the Bowdlerisers, so any suggestions for Jurisfiction action to the UAofW Cat, please.
Thank you for your continued vigilance - the Jurisfiction Team