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The Daily Toad: Proudly disseminating sensationalised rubbish since 1645. 19th Dec 2010.

Scientists warn of
'Passive Pop Culture' danger

The brain-rotting effect of relentless quantities of pop culture in the guise of celebrity tittle-tattle, reality TV shows, and the disproportionate interest shown in the meaningless misadventures of 'celebrities' is well documented, but just recently scientists have revealed that the effect of simply being a passive observer to pop culture can be just as damaging as actively engaging in attempts to find out why Russell Brand punched that photographer.

The unwanted dangers of passive pop culture were yesterday spelt out by a leading scientist yesterday, who raised the possibility that continued exposure to unwanted pop culture references may lead to annoyance, disassociation, relevance agnosia and other associated neurological issues.

"By 'passive' we mean the person who does not wish to know what Peter Andre and Katie Price are up to now, nor has any desire to know what Wagner did before X Factor," explained a leading neurologist, "but the very pervasive nature of pop culture trivia finds itself seeping into the third party's consciousness whether they like it or not - and there it will stay and fester, perhaps for years."

"We're not trying to tell anyone how to run their lives," said the same unnamed neurologist, "and if you want to know the names of Brad and Angelina's twins, then we don't want to stop you. But for those who have no interest in such things and actively hope to avoid knowing why Charlotte Church split with Gavin Henson, we ask that people are more careful when disseminating pop culture tittle-tattle in a public place."

An unnamed victim of Passive Pop Culture had this to say:

"We feel that it is an infringement of our liberties that passive pop culture is today so strong and so all-pervasive that even someone totally uninterested in Mariah Carey will still know she required kittens to pet as a stipulation on her contract."

"We regard this as the worst sort of trespass; a trespass upon our time and our waking hours, a sullying of higher cerebral functions, and the first step towards the horrifying possibility that by a slow process of relentless osmosis, the actually very personal and private problems of Amy Winehouse may be a relevant or popular subject for conversation."

Josh Hatchett, reporting for The Toad.

Katie and Peter

Actually largely irrelevant

Britney and friend

A diversion from real and pressing issues in the world

Britney and friend

Not a patch on the original

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