"The Song of the Quarkbeast" UK Editions

To upgrade please follow instructions below:

As is customary with early book releases, there are a few bugs that made it through the rigorous testing procedures for which Fforde books have not become legendary. The following instructions allow you to update your edition to an all new TN6/V1.1.

I am indebted to the disturbingly high levels of pedantry exhibited by my Upgrade Monitors this year, in particular: Richard Humm & Mathias Schonhoff . My grateful thanks to all of you.

1: Editions covered by this upgrade: All Hodder hardback and Readers club softback editions. ON NO ACCOUNT attempt to upgrade any proof copies or USA editions; a 'deep text crash' may result which will render your book unreadable and may well wipe out all the planet's fiction.

2: Earth the book by touching it lightly against a dictionary.

3: If you are running your library on the outdated SCROLL V7.3 or PAPYRUS 2.8, please upgrade immediately to BOOK 8.3 which is available by downloading HERE .

4: If you are running the Beta Version of BOOK V9 or "UltraWord™" as it is known and have Anti-GrammasitePro™ or ReadZip™ activated, please disable before upgrade. Third party hardware ancillaries such as bookmarks, pressed flowers, old bus tickets, prophylactics, etc, must also be removed.

5: Using a fine black pen make the following corrections:

1/ Turn to page 21 and where it says "He was to take over from me in two years' time. Once I was eighteen I was out."" According to The Last Dragonslayer and also The Eye of Zoltar, Jennifer can leave when she is twenty, not eighteen. So alter accordingly whenever this appears in Song of the Quarkbeast (Figgy & Richard Humm)

2/ Turn to page 21 and where it says "spondoolip" in the footnotes change to "spondulic"

3/ Turn to page 22 and where it says "ing" in the second line change to "ring"

4/ Turn to page 23 and where it says "It's Phantom Twelve" on the first line change to "It's a Phantom Twelve"

5/ Turn to page 51 and where it says "- from where all flying rugs originate -" in the footnotes change to "- Persia being where all flying rugs originate -"

6/ Turn to page 56 and where it says "B1-7g" change to "B1-7G"

7/ Turn to page 64 and where it says "increase that to..seventy" change to "increase that to...seventy" (one dot out!)

8/ Turn to page 77 and where it says "it was a incantation"at the top of the page change to "it was an incantation"

9/ Turn to page 94 and where it says "She continued"change to "she continued"

10/ Turn to page 122 and where it says "The fact that he didn't have a license" in the first paragraph. Change "he" to "it"

11/ Turn to page 130 and where it says "Of the quarter million men and women who were lost or eaten during the twenty-six-minute war that followed, there had been only nine survivors." in the last paragraph change to "Of the quarter million men and women in action during the twenty-six-minute war that followed, only nine were not lost or eaten. "

12/ Turn to page 131 and where it says "gave him a fearful apearance" in the last paragraph change to "gave him a fearful appearance"

13/ Turn to page 151 and where it says "The only benefit of being a orphan" change to "The only benefit of being an orphan"

14/ Turn to page 165 and where it says "it is often hard not to talk about anything else" delete "not"

15/ Still on page 165 where it says "millennia" at the bottom of the page change to "millennium"

16/ Turn to page 173 and where it says "more then an animal" in line four change to "than"

17/ Turn to page 185 and where it says "She's doesn't want to help" change to "She doesn't want to help"

18/ Turn to page 192 and where it says "curved off in a westerly direction towards Stirling in the east" change to "curved off towards Stirling in the east"

19/ Turn to page 196 and where it says "Lying in among the dirt was the occasional..." delete "in" and change "was" to "were" to get "Lying among the dirt were the occasional..."

20/ Turn to page 260 and where it says "We don't want the the job" delete one "the" to get "We don't want the job"

21/ Turn to page 283 and where it says "said the the Magnificent Boo" delete one "the" to get "said the Magnificent Boo"

6: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of The Song of the Quarkbeast V1.1. To fully authenticate your copy download the upgrade sticker file by clicking HERE. Print out the download and affix it to the title page of your copy. Thank you for using the jasperfforde.com upgrade service.

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