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Something Rotten V2.1 (USA Edition)
To upgrade to TN4/V2.1, please follow instructions below:
As is customary with early book releases, there are a few bugs that made it through the rigorous testing procedures for which Fforde books have not become legendary. The following instructions allow you to update your edition to an all new TN4/V1.1.

1: Editions covered by this upgrade: Only USA Viking hardback editions. ON NO ACCOUNT attempt to upgrade any proofs, UK editions or mass market paperbacks. A 'deep text crash' may result which will render your book unreadable and may well wipe out all the planet's fiction.

2: Earth the book by touching it lightly against a dictionary.

3: If you are running your library on the outdated SCROLL V7.3 or PAPYRUS 2.8, please upgrade immediately to BOOK 8.3 which is available by downloading HERE .

4: If you are running the Beta Version of BOOK V9 or "UltraWord™" as it is known and have Anti-GrammasitePro™ or ReadZip™ activated, please disable before upgrade. Third party hardware ancillaries such as bookmarks, pressed flowers, old bus tickets, prophylactics, etc, must also be removed.

5: Using a fine black pen make the following corrections:

i/ Turn to page 2 and where it says: "It was for this reason that Commander Bradshaw and I arrived at the top of page 73 of an obscure pulp from the thirties, entitled 'Death At Double-X Ranch'" delete "from the thirties" so it reads: "It was for this reason that Commander Bradshaw and I arrived at the top of page 73 of an obscure pulp entitled 'Death At Double-X Ranch'" Stupidly, I state on page 6 that 'Double-X' was "set in 1875 and written in 1908".

ii/ Turn to page 7 and where it says: "we blinked for few moments" add an 'a' so it reads: "we blinked for a few moments."

iii/ Turn to page 70 and where it says: "I tried to think of the movie in which he prevaricates the least" and replace with "I tried to think of the movie in which he dithers the least" Interesting point, this. I thought 'Prevaricate' and 'Procrastinate were synonymous, but they are not. Mr Dowling points out: "According to Mr Chamber's eminent reference guide, 'prevaricate' is to evade the truth or to act so as to mislead whereas 'procrastinate' is to defer action, to put off what should be done immediately." Please also change the 'Prevarication' on page xviii to 'indecision', the 'postprevarication nonhesitative' on page 313 to 'postdither non-hesitative' and the 'prevaricating tour de force' on page 229 to 'procrastinating tour de force'.

iiia/ Turn to page 110 and where it says: "makes you understand how sheep can know who's lamb is whose" change to read: "makes you understand how sheep can know whose lamb is whose"

iv(a)/ Turn to page 156 and where it says "The eight Emperor Zhark novels were written throughout the seventies by Handley Paige", change to read: "The eight Emperor Zhark novels were written throughout the seventies and eighties by Handley Paige" (to make sense of Thursday's comment that the sixth EZ book was being written at the end of the chapter. My thanks to Dana Menard for this.)

iv/ Turn to page 321 and where it says: 'He'd invoke a Baggins to kill it' change to read: 'He'd invoke a Bard to kill it'. Oops. No matter how certain about something I am, it is so easy to get wrong - what was I thinking of? Thank you, Mike.

v/ Turn to page 335 and where it says: "Thursday, drive it towards their red ball, and Spike will intercept." change to read: "Thursday, drive it towards their red ball, and Snake will intercept." Copyediting glitch and a wobbly memory of Granny Next. If you recall Thursday is transported into one of Gran's memories in TN3 which was during a SuperHoop. Since we now know that Gran is Thursday, she is recalling something that will happen to Thursday in the future - and here it is. Trouble is, I had written TN3 already so was locked into Jambe's speech (heard later on page 344) so couldn't change anything - except Spike who I thought, when writing TN3, would be on the field. I didn't manage that so added a player named 'Snake'. If asked, I could always reply that Gran's memory wasn't as good as it once was!

vii/ Turn to page 352 and where it says: "thirty-two-foot ketch, spinnaker rigged and with a Floon automatic pilot." change to read: "thirty-two-foot ketch with a Floon automatic pilot." This is a what Mr Dowling refers to as: "a possible landlubba vyrus infestation, unless Swindon in 1988 boasts some unusual vessels. A boat may set a spinnaker but it cannot be spinnaker-rigged." interestingly, he goes on to observe that: "Our colleague Mr Beaufort is also suspicious that landlubba vyrus activity may contributed to the character being named Fawsten Gayle (Force Ten Gale) and not, as he would have expected, Gayle Fawsate (Gale Force Eight) or Storm Fawsten. (Storm Force Ten)" I didn't know the true parlance for storms, but I thought I'd let it stand as changing character's names (rather than their spellings (remember Mrs Nakajima in a previous upgrade?) can be confusing, mostly to me.

viii/ Turn to page 370 and where it says:

'I still didn't have complete command of the right-hand side of my body but every day it seemed a little bit more part of me, a little less numb.'

change to read:

'I still felt weak, tired, and listless and had to rest frequently.

I am indebted to Dr Kovacs of Canada who set me straight on the likely physical outcome of gunshot injuries to the head. He raises interesting theories about left or right hoofedness in minotaurs, the full text of which can be read by clicking HERE

ix/ Turn to page 380 and where it says: 'I even noticed the small scar on her chin from the charge of the armoured brigade way back in '72' change to read: 'I even noticed the small scar on her chin from the charge of the armoured brigade way back in '73'. Thursday's memory is obviously failing her.

x/ Turn to pages 380 and 382 (twice) and where it says: 'Faerie Queen' change to read: 'Faerie Queene' with the 'e' on the end. This is the correct spelling and since it was also the codeword for the special features section, caused no small amount of consternation.

xi/ Turn to page 39 where it says "...stood on a dustbin to peak cautiously over a high wall." change "peak" to "peek". Grammasites again!

xii/ Turn to page 2 and where it says 'belied', change to 'betrayed'. Same on page 317. 6: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of Something Rotten V2.1. To fully authenticate your copy download the upgrade sticker file by clicking HERE. Print out the download and affix it to the title page of your copy. Thank you for using the jasperfforde.com upgrade service.

Upgrade assistants: Heather La Flame, Michael Dowling, Mike, Rory O'Donnell, Debbie Valentine, Stephen Geigen-Miller, Martha Bode, Dr Kovacs, Karen Jones

Back to Upgrade Grand Central