New users: Please register in the usual way and then send an email to jasper(at)jasperfforde.com with your username, and write something 'Ffordesque' so we know you are a real reader, and not some idiot trying to flood the forum with dodgy Nike and Gucci gear. Thank you - Jasper
I'm slightly alarmed by proposition X, I hope it hasn't been carried in my absence.
Any kind of investigator would be a very bad idea until we have found a suitable explanation for some of the more curious items on the stationery budget.
Who, for instance, asked for a complete set of mahogany set squares in presentation box?
I admit that set squares were used for crimping pastry, ensuring that pies were round and used as a colour check that pastry was not burnt.
If the cost is split between three distinct budgets, then the set squares will be seen to represent excellent value. <hopes no-one asks about the Faberge orrery>
It's O.K. I think an orrery is a justifiable expense,you need one for the time travel which allowed us to buy the 16th century food processor, it represents a fantastic saving against the current list price.
too much rum and it would be a mango sharpie, the next morning, anyway.
Proposes Proposition Y which alludes to all closed characters being able to serve or otherwise interact with any committee, its offshoots and any Faberge orreries which happen to occupy the same bit iof spacetime in this and all other universes, except my chocolate one.
Chocolate would make the works all sticky and one could cut one's tongue trying to lick the works clean. Also my universe contains nuts.
Stationary chocolate? That will never catch on. What we want is chocolate that moves about generating it's own electricity supply. We definitely discussed that last time, I've got the minutes from the meeting somewhere....
The minutes are on an electronic device powered by electricity derived from chocolate.
It comes from a piezochocolate effect derived from the amount of pressure that one puts on a pioece of choclate is proportional to the scarcity of the number of nuts.
Proposes that the 'Committee' form a 'subcommittee' consisting of all members of the 'Committee' to examine and conduct research in the use of chocolate as a possible alternate source of energy. The 'subcommitttee' could then formally report to the 'Committee' on its findings and recommendations for further consideration of the matter.
The "Committee' then in Committee may then consider the report and its recommendations.
Coffee and chocolate will be serve in the breaks between committee 00sessions.
A proposal to examine the possibility that different types of chocolate may have other uses may be considered by the 'Committee', in 'Subcommittee', but as a separate matter.
Feel attack of Kanbra public servant coming on. Exits stage left with a nonchocolate substance to ward off possible self cause attack.
The requirement for a commitment to the visible, sustainable and transparent sharing of best practice amongst all relevant and irrelevant sub committees means that we are required to send a representative to the Chocolate Is Not The Future of Energy Forum.
As a lure and in the vain hope of finding a volunteer, I am reliably informed that there will be adequate time for Cross Committee Bonding and a wonderful colour coded chart making it abundantly clear who has access to which highlighter pens on which days.