Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me.
NEXT


Doctor what is ur diagnoses ask the womanthe doctor says u have acute angina
The woman says that's nice doc but what's wrong with me

I used to be indecisive not i'm not so sure

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."

++applause++

ASCII cows

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

Guns don't kill people husbands who come home early do

A Kit Kat is a Biscuit

Not indeed as previously thought, a genetically modified handy cat developed and bred in Switzerland to make camping easier.

When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Slightly exaggerated.... And not really true. But it is funny. :)

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

Still, I'd LOVE one of those pens...

Will a pencil do, BK? :-)

Only if it's the sort of pencil that can be used to hold up a shop that sells the astronaut pens

Oh, and as one further end to that story, with equal or less verification: the Russians then had circuits fail, as scraps of graphite short- circuited them.

Dr Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But, every once in a while, he would hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to
sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're
single. Just let it go..."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave ............. Dave ............ Dave ............ Dave ......................


........ You're a Vet!"

speaking of writing equipment
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil

A Kit Kat is a Biscuit

a guy goes to a nudie bar and gives one of the dancer a tip with monolopy money
The girls 'hey that money is fake'. 'Well' replies the guy 'so are your boobs'

A Kit Kat is a Biscuit

I heard that next years Superbowl is due to be held in Sicily.

It seems that George Bush version 2.0 has moved the goal posts..................

A man takes his German Shepherd dog to the vet and says, "My dog's gone cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

Way back earlier someone mentioned the Goons and Saint Spike.

There are other fans of his around. Rankin R make a tribute to him in at least one of his books via a mention of a character from Puckoon.

If you are not aware of them, as they worked essentially pre Monty Python/The Goodies look out for, mit der ears, for programs of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again"
BBC have some programs available on CD. If thou likest puns there are some excellent examples in these programs. In fact, in many ways I think they arte better than the Goons.

***Will now pay penance for sacreligeous type statement by going OOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!***

this guy walks into an optometrist's thats why he needed the glasses

A Kit Kat is a Biscuit

3 guys walk into a bar...

You'd think the last 2 would have ducked...