<curtseys prettily>

<puts lamingtons and whipped cream on tea table>

<pours a nice cup of earl grey and observes all the strangely gluey, claggy, tapey, people>

<sips tea delicately>

"although little children may think clag is edible, it's probably better to avoid them"

<Considers this sound advice. Little children tend to be sticky once they've had access to clag. Would avoid them too.>

<isn't overly keen on children: they make one get fat>

<is just joking, loves children but can't eat a whole one>



__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<bumps this thread above all the spam. Some of the fforumite's minds may be in the gutter, but that's not where this thread belongs :) >

<wips the table cloth off the table>

<wraps it round himself>

<says sorry for scattering all the tea things on the floor>


<passes comment on 'ow 'e's dragged up proper>

Rowrl!

Dog attack!

<wonders vaguely whether the dog is attacking Kitten, or the other way around>

<suspects they may be both attacking someone else, and hopes it isn't me>

<is, incidentally, now completely fireproof - in case anyone is getting any ideas>



-------------------------
Metaphors be with you!

<Writhes on floor trying to shake off psychotic poodle o' doom>

<Raises hand weakly for assistance>



-------
Turn the silliness to eleven!

<attempts to set fire to Puck to keep poodle away>



__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<remembers the Evocation of the Key of Salomon that Faust used to learn about the poodle's essence:>

Salamander shall glisten,
Undina lapse lightly,
Sylph vanish brightly,
Kobold quick listen.

Vanish in glowing
Flame, Salamander!
Inward, spirally flowing,
Gurgle, Undine!
Gleam in meteoric splendor,
Airy Queen!
Thy homely help render,
Incubus! Incubus!
Forth and end the charm for us!

Art thou a jail-bird,
A runaway hell-bird?
This sign then--adore it!
They tremble before it
All through the dark dwelling.

Reprobate creature!
Canst read his nature?
The Uncreated,
Ineffably Holy,
With Deity mated,
Sin's victim lowly?

<An unemployed english major? Ha! ha! The casus is too funny.>

<hastens to add by way of Edit that the translation is by Charles T. Brooks.>



Post Edited (08-07-06 23:13)

---

Design #3609494995:
It's a newly-discovered breed of fish that keeps your teeth clean, tastes delicious and dissolves in water.
generated with The Prior-Art-O-Matic

<points out it was a Random Red Dwarf moment, and that poodles doesn't exist. Only the *idea* of poodle.
Om mani padme hum...

<points out that it's a very aggressive idea, and even though it's distracted by the fire, it has left wounds that will never heal.>

<lifts shirt to show multiple bleeding gashes across chest>



-------
Turn the silliness to eleven!

<picks up bow from a dilapidated, tea, cake, battenburg, clag, marshmellow, 198505- covered 'cello>

<throws it hoping the dog fetches>



______________________________
It was the curious incident of the dog in the night time.

<bows>

<pulls rabbit from hat>

<is immediately attacked by poodle, which wants rabbit>



__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<decides it's time to get back into the action>

<fetches arsenal of large water bombs and big slingshot and rapidly fires at fforumites>

splash, splosh, splat, sploosh, splish....

<leaves water bombs and big slingshot suspiciously close to an unsuspecting Martin and runs off to watch from a safe distance>

<is hit in the back of the head with one of Zuki's water bombs>

<turns around, and sees Martin with the slingshot>

<fetches Super-soaker...>

-------------------------
Metaphors be with you!

<obligingly hands flame-retardant Puck the supersoaker>

<runs to stand near Zuki-Pah to watch the fun>

<is now attacked by both supersoaked Puck and poodle>

<runs into freezer before he gets wet>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<is slightly dazzed after being swept up in a blinding white light, and then being remade into my whole self again>

<trips over own left foot, as still not used to this new body>

<slams the freezer door closed by accident>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blood! Death! War! Rumpy pumpy! Triumph!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/11/2006 06:48PM by 198505.

<freezes solid>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland