<puts training shoes on>

<gets cramp in feet as shoes are way to small>

<pulls a steak out of his pocket incase one of the ounds gets too close>

<holds a feather in each hand and flaps arms in desperate attempt to stay aloft>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<is determined not to be concidered among the anti-social and taking a spare peice of ellevictoria's cake, marches up to robert's door and rings the bell>

<swats at stray bat that seems to be following her>

<smiles politely and waits>

<wonders at the lack of concern over the fact that I am still being attacked by vampire bats>

<wonders why we should be concerned anyway>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<Hears doorbell. Wonders who it could be. Decides to ignore it in the hope they'll go away.>

<Offer's vampire bats (rare) steak and a slice of battenburg>

<watches bats drop like flies from Battenburg>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<Watches batternburg fly like bats>

<faints>

---

'Who looks after the animals?'

<rings the doorbell a few more times, for no particular reason.>

<notices the unconscious zuki-pah>

<pours incredibly cold beaker of water over zuki-pah's face>

<gives up on inahbitant of house, but leaves cake>

<notices that annoying bat has landed on cake and is eating greedily>

<Looks at Lady Teaspoon, encased in bats>

<Looks at bat eating cake>

<Looks at the bat-laden Lady Teaspoon>

<Sets off for 24- hour cake shop>

<looks for ball to start cricket match since there are plenty of bats around>

<grabs bat that ate Battenburg and is now comatose and stiff>

<wonders if anyone else wants to play>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

< sticks 3 branches upright in the floor close toegther>

<walks the correct distance and sticks 3 more branches upright in the ground>

<takes ball off MartinB, walks off to get a good run up>

<wouders what happened to the croquet equipment that was in at least one of the tree houses we've had>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blood! Death! War! Rumpy pumpy! Triumph!

<returns with cake>

<Alas they were out of Battenburg, but made sure that frosting was not the light and fluffy whipped crap, but the heavy sugary baker's frosting.>

<"Hope you batties enjoy your sugar coma!">

<Soon everyone Lady Teaspoon will be saved and everyone will be able to play!>

<Notices that sound of bats, falling sofas and particularly feminine women fainting are drowning out the sound of the doorbell>

<Gathers up various bits of offal from fridge, out of date blood samples, salami offcuts, etc - which are generally lying around most homes - and throws them out into the backyard to quieten the baying children of the night>

<notices a piece of Battenburg that he has been using as a door stop for some months and throws it out the door as well. Hears a word that sounds like 'ouch' only in Africaans, but decides that it can't be anyone he knows becasue Martin and Zoe are both grounded>

<goes back to TV live transmission of the inter-Asian Wind-Breaking championships. Gus 'Pennywhistle' MacPherson is just stepping into the ring against Yuri Membami, from Bali.>

<wonders whether Yuri is a common name in Bali>

<asks if robert heard "Eina">

<and also hastens to reassure him that Martin would use ite>

__________________________________
'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

<sincerely wishes she had left the bats in peace>

<looks around at the decaying meat and other sticky, sugary debris>

<takes a rifle, shoots all the bats and generally cleans up the place a bit>

<joins in cricket game as shortstop>

<wonders if playing cricket will cause the end of the universe>

<offers a free slice of battenburg to anyone who spots the reference>

<drops a copy of "Life, The Universe and Everything" on the ground>

<walks away, stops comes back>

<writes "Dr. Who and the Krikkit Men" inside the front cover>

<munches on battenburg>

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My computer beat me at chess, but I won at kickboxing